I hate being right so often

Call it the other curse of womanhood.

I hate being right sometimes. Especially when it comes to my children and predicting their behavior.

The Saga of Completing the Summer Assignments is still ongoing. School starts in one week.  #*%!

Of course, as the mom of six, you can imagine that my schedule is just wide open happiness- all sunshine and roses.... um, no.  I think I have a free half hour on Monday, but that is only if none of the other things make me run late.  There is new student orientation, robotics camp (because NO ONE likes #2 after twelve weeks of vacation, and he doesn't like them either), boy scout pack checks and campouts, tutoring, ballet, tap, playdates and hopefully a day or two to work on my sunburn before the pool closes.  

I HATE being in a crunch when it comes to the peeps. I can procrastinate on my own things and catch up, but my herd is almost an immoveable object. There is no hurrying those people.  I guess "hurry up" translates into kidspeak as "take off your shoes go get a drink announce that you need to poop hit your sister til she cries."

So school supplies are already purchased, sorted and labeled. Ditto for shoes, uniforms, etc.  The only thing I failed to get them to do on my timeline was their mother-loving homework.  It is somewhere between herding turtles and chasing chickens. The kid I catch will usually refuse to work and will instead sit there contemplating life's great mysteries (such as: what is 9-4?) for hours until Mommy has to pee or find the owner of the screaming coming from the basement. 

The nanosecond Mommy is out of sight- poof- he's outta there!

Why can't they move that fast when I am trying to leave the house? Maybe I'll suggest that we do homework right before I need to leave and they'll just head to the car instead?

For better or worse, school starts next Monday. Maybe I can make up for failure to get summer work done by not being late the first day.

How I Spent my Summer (or "Why #4 might possibly fail Kindergarten")

I so wish all my kids had to do was write some lame-o essay about what they did this summer.  The school they will attend in 10 days (but who's counting?) has Summer Enrichment Packets.  Yup, just in case you and the kids can't come up with anything else to fight about, there's HOMEWORK. Crap.

I can sort of understand why they do it- my kids have been out of school for about 12 weeks. But, when I was kid (sidenote: that phrase is a SURE sign of aging, even more so than crow's feet), we didn't have summer enrichment. Sure, my high school made us read 3 books a summer, but that pales in comparison to the envelope of suffering I received in the mail.  I know, we are "preventing Summer Slide." Of course, our little rocket scientists are going to forget everything over three months of vacation.  The solution? SHORTER SUMMER VACATION.   If we spread the vacation days out, we wouldn't spend the first month of school re-hashing the last grade. And I really like three day weekends. Y'know?

Back to my surprise gift from the school....

One envelope per school age kid. That's four envelopes.  The older two boys received math workbooks (!!!) to complete. 30 lessons per book. Did I mention I didn't receive these gems until mid-July because we just. moved. here? And then there are the two book reports #2 has to write, and the 3 essays and six paragraphs #1 has to write. #3 has a book "report" form to fill out, a book log to keep (right....because I've been tracking that), and a packet of math worksheets (30 pages-ish) to complete. 

I still had one envelope to open and I needed a drink.  But #4 is only going into Kindergarten.  This should be okay. Coloring, letters, stuff like that, right?  No. Not even close. Better get out the wine, sister, because your summer fun is OVER. Like right now. 

#4 has a PACKET of work to complete.  Writing the alphabet and her name (thank God I gave her a short name), writing the colors three times in the correct colors (and without opening the new crayons because then they will disappear before school), counting the cans in my pantry, cutting shapes out of magazines, making a chart, reading logs and more. OY VEY! The kicker was the cover letter closed with a wish for us to "Have Fun!" completing their packet of torment.

At this point, I want to call the teachers and explain to them that I have SIX kids, four of whom suddenly have summer homework, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! 

Deep breath.  Inhale. Exhale. Take a drink. Repeat.

#4's packet also has a grading rubric. Did I mention that the 8th grader doesn't have a grading rubric?

Here is where I flunk mommy-hood.

I have actually read the rubric to find out how much work she MUST do to not get an unsatisfactory. For example, finding and naming 4 of the 6 assigned shapes is "satisfactory".  Awesome. This would be the continuation of my college's mantra "C's for completed; D is for done."  So we are no longer "doing our best" this summer; I have down shifted to "doing what we must" and "surely they are going to teach you some of this stuff during the year?"

Unfortunately, I MUST get her a library card. Failure to do so will get #4 an Unsatisfactory. Really? Aren't the teachers really grading me, since #4 can't drive or fill out the forms? And seriously, I may move next summer and I will only lose the damn thing, so why oh why are you making me go BACK to the customer service desk of the library to get a card that #4 will never use?  Will they keep #6 from scaring the bejeezus out of the library's frog by banging on the glass while I try to get said card? Or maybe keep #5 from chasing #4 around the children's section? Sigh. 

We are almost done. Still need to edit #1's stuff, #2 needs to draw some pictures about his books. #3 is going to go down to the wire, as is #4. I hope there isn't any homework on the first day. I think I'll already be tired.

At long last, have we no sense of decency?

So it seems that we are going to have an election next year.  I am going to have to go into pre-election news black-out at the earliest point ever.  And, for the first time, I may include a Facebook blackout.

I love to follow current events and political matters. I feel it is my duty as a citizen and it is more interesting than "the Cat in the Hat knows a lot about that".  I can't even believe the level of vitriol we've reached when we are still fifteen months away from voting.  I worry about our nation's soul, especially when Great Britain seems to be coming apart at the seams and London is doing a great impression of a Third World city.  What the hell is going on?

Members of one political party labeling a fair-sized group of Americans (as well as some of their Congressional colleagues) as "terrorists"? Name calling...that's so fourth grade.  True confession- I have been known to refer to certain persons as "socialists", but unlike "terrorist", it is the name for a proponent of a political/ economic system. Might I add that Bernie Sanders (VT) wears it with pride.  Terrorists try to achieve their goals through intimidation and violence while creating a climate of fear that weakens resistance to them and their aims. Sounds more like the rioters in London than Senator Rubio, no? Aren't there enough people elsewhere that wish us as a nation harm? Do we have to turn on each other?

I really try to think things through. I try to apply reason before deciding on things, though my faith and life experiences will be the lens through which I perceive the world.  I really like our Constitution; I think the founders did a bang-up job. I am wary of ideas that may have the unintended consequence of limiting freedoms guaranteed by that document. I enjoy hearing different viewpoints, especially from other people whom I believe think carefully about their opinions.

I am therefore dismayed when I see people on Facebook write the equivalent of "If you don't agree with me, you can't be my friend."  Wow. Really? I am also surprised at how frequently I see it. I rather enjoy having friends who are not in lock-step agreement with me. I really think it enriches my life. But the lack of "tolerance" for differing opinions makes me sad.  And tolerance is not a one-way street.  I would love to see mutual respect flow from left to right and back again. What exactly are we teaching our children?  That we are only friends with people who think just like we do? Apply that notion to skin color or religion instead of politics, and consider what that says about us as a nation.

We live in conflicted times. I hope we find our way back to living with kindness and charity towards our fellow man. I wonder if I'll have any Facebook friends left by then.

School uniforms are NOT cheaper- at least not in No. VA

I realizing that NOTHING is probably cheaper in Northern VA, but seriously- what a racket the uniform company has.  I think they provide uniforms for most of the Catholic schools up here.  The size of their business is NOT reflected in their prices. HOLY COW!!! So much for the line of thought that buying uniforms is less expensive than purchasing regular clothes.

So I brought five of the kids (oldest still gone- hope his stuff fits) to order uniforms this morning.  I was concerned how this was going to work out. Normally, taking my people ANYWHERE that requires me to concentrate or talk to another person is a huge mistake.  Today, I took them on a errand to order multiple items in multiple sizes while other people were also trying to order their stuff before their kids lost it completely.  I had two cups of coffee to prepare myself and managed to refrain from adding Baileys to said drinks. 

I was really hopeful that this would be well organized (or at least somewhat organized) to handle the traffic flow.  Maybe I was in the Army too long and expect too much. Maybe I am just delusional. I might have been hoping for something akin to an Army issue point, but what I saw was closer to Walmart on Black Friday. Okay, so no one was trampled to death. Maybe more like Black Friday at Kohls.  It was not particularly orderly, and rather frustrating for those of us who were new to the school (and uniform).

I am so glad I managed to procure some uniforms on the second-hand market, because I think I would have had to give them my first-born otherwise.  Really, the jumper for Kindergarteners is over $35???  Even if I didn't have 4 kids that needed uniforms, that seems a tad high. Not to mention the shoes...

Shoes? What's that? You didn't know that there were uniform shoes? Oh, yes indeed. Not to miss an opportunity for sales, there are UNIFORM shoes.  Hell, the Army gives you more shoe options than my kids have.  The shoes are oxfords, black and clunky and ugly.  Even my daughter, #4, has to wear them.  She will be heartbroken, since she seems to have my passion for shoes. I was picturing a sweet little pair of Mary Janes.... sigh.  But the real awesome part of "uniform" black oxford shoes is their price. $40 for kid sizes, $75 for adult sizes. And since #1 now has man feet, he would need the $75 shoes.

Let's be clear (to borrow a phrase).  If anyone is getting $75 shoes around here, it will be me. And they will be high heeled beauties that make me feel like a goddess. Not hideous oxfords for a 13-year-old boy who is liable to outgrow them any second. 

So, like any good parent with 6 kids, I took a picture of the shoes with my phone and will head to the shoe store. I think they sell the exact same one for about $25.  And if I time it right, I'll catch one of those buy one, get one half off sales.

And then I'll buy some smoking hot heels with all the money I saved ;)

Adventures in parenting- cleaning out the family van

Enough was enough.... I could barely see the carpet through the crushed goldfish. So I manned (womanned?) up and got out the vacuum.  EW EW EW EW EWWWWWW!

During my cleaning, I found a stuffed cat covered in chalk, a barbie, a stuffed raccoon, 4 happy meal toys, that floatie I've been looking for, a book and a DVD.  My tip was 8 cents, in the form of a nickel and 3 pennies.  I also found an empty milk bottle, 1 empty caprisun,  4 sour gummy worms (all with a bite off of them), and 2 peppermints (1 stuck to floor, one stuck inside cup holder). What would an archeologist think of my family if my van was discovered in a thousand years???

I moved all the car seats (4 of them), took them out of the van, turned them upside down and shook them, and THEN vacuumed them out.  HOLY SMOKES! I had no idea that my baby's carseat was really a biohazard waiting to happen.  How does one even get that many goldfish and cheezits in the space by the straps?  Why are some of them moist? Should I wash the car seat too? No, have to pickup #2 from camp at noon. Cushion doesn't smell funny, it's probably okay until tomorrow (or next week). 

Repeat sequence for other car seat. Move on to boosters- have to be better, right? Nope-ety, nope.  #3's cup holder in his seat is encrusted with, well, something.  Time to get the all-purpose cleaner and a scrub brush. I am now WAY past the 15 minutes I allocated for this task. And I think I may need a shower.

I grabbed the windex while I was in the house. Might as well clean off the car-window-finger art that my children make.  It is very hard to see through it. Good Lord, what IS THIS?  Ewww, and there is brown something in a spray pattern on the trim.  I guess it was juice at some point. SIGH. Back to the scrub brush and cleaner.

At this point, my absence was noticed by all the people.  Thankfully, only two stayed outside to "help".  They decided that the rows of seats in the van made a great obstacle course.  Now I am trying to clean around crawling and climbing kids.  It is enough to make me start a "No eating in the van" policy.  But we all now that is unrealistic.  It only lasts until I am running late and a child "forgets" to eat breakfast and is handed a granola bar instead.  

Time to refasten the car seats.  This is when I like to try new seating arrangements.  I am always trying to find the seating order which results in the least fighting.  Never mind that I drive a 12 passenger party van, so really, there isn't anything to fight over.  Plenty of space for all, with a DVD player to boot. They still manage to argue; my new favorite is "He's taking all the air-conditioning...." Oh, brother. 

This time, I am trying out the youngest two in the front, #3 and #4 in the middle, and oldest two in the back.  Of course, #1 is at scout camp, so we aren't getting the full effect yet.  I'll keep you posted. The only one who hasn't complained so far is the baby. Luckily for them, a goldfish was dropped and ground into oblivion on the carpet this morning, so another vacuuming is already on the horizon.

Maybe I can pay my oldest to do it.....