How I Spent my Summer (or "Why #4 might possibly fail Kindergarten")

I so wish all my kids had to do was write some lame-o essay about what they did this summer.  The school they will attend in 10 days (but who's counting?) has Summer Enrichment Packets.  Yup, just in case you and the kids can't come up with anything else to fight about, there's HOMEWORK. Crap.

I can sort of understand why they do it- my kids have been out of school for about 12 weeks. But, when I was kid (sidenote: that phrase is a SURE sign of aging, even more so than crow's feet), we didn't have summer enrichment. Sure, my high school made us read 3 books a summer, but that pales in comparison to the envelope of suffering I received in the mail.  I know, we are "preventing Summer Slide." Of course, our little rocket scientists are going to forget everything over three months of vacation.  The solution? SHORTER SUMMER VACATION.   If we spread the vacation days out, we wouldn't spend the first month of school re-hashing the last grade. And I really like three day weekends. Y'know?

Back to my surprise gift from the school....

One envelope per school age kid. That's four envelopes.  The older two boys received math workbooks (!!!) to complete. 30 lessons per book. Did I mention I didn't receive these gems until mid-July because we just. moved. here? And then there are the two book reports #2 has to write, and the 3 essays and six paragraphs #1 has to write. #3 has a book "report" form to fill out, a book log to keep (right....because I've been tracking that), and a packet of math worksheets (30 pages-ish) to complete. 

I still had one envelope to open and I needed a drink.  But #4 is only going into Kindergarten.  This should be okay. Coloring, letters, stuff like that, right?  No. Not even close. Better get out the wine, sister, because your summer fun is OVER. Like right now. 

#4 has a PACKET of work to complete.  Writing the alphabet and her name (thank God I gave her a short name), writing the colors three times in the correct colors (and without opening the new crayons because then they will disappear before school), counting the cans in my pantry, cutting shapes out of magazines, making a chart, reading logs and more. OY VEY! The kicker was the cover letter closed with a wish for us to "Have Fun!" completing their packet of torment.

At this point, I want to call the teachers and explain to them that I have SIX kids, four of whom suddenly have summer homework, and ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!?!?!?! 

Deep breath.  Inhale. Exhale. Take a drink. Repeat.

#4's packet also has a grading rubric. Did I mention that the 8th grader doesn't have a grading rubric?

Here is where I flunk mommy-hood.

I have actually read the rubric to find out how much work she MUST do to not get an unsatisfactory. For example, finding and naming 4 of the 6 assigned shapes is "satisfactory".  Awesome. This would be the continuation of my college's mantra "C's for completed; D is for done."  So we are no longer "doing our best" this summer; I have down shifted to "doing what we must" and "surely they are going to teach you some of this stuff during the year?"

Unfortunately, I MUST get her a library card. Failure to do so will get #4 an Unsatisfactory. Really? Aren't the teachers really grading me, since #4 can't drive or fill out the forms? And seriously, I may move next summer and I will only lose the damn thing, so why oh why are you making me go BACK to the customer service desk of the library to get a card that #4 will never use?  Will they keep #6 from scaring the bejeezus out of the library's frog by banging on the glass while I try to get said card? Or maybe keep #5 from chasing #4 around the children's section? Sigh. 

We are almost done. Still need to edit #1's stuff, #2 needs to draw some pictures about his books. #3 is going to go down to the wire, as is #4. I hope there isn't any homework on the first day. I think I'll already be tired.