A dear friend just learned that her husband is going to head back out to keep the world safe for democracy. She posited the question "How come when our husbands get orders to deploy, the first thing we military spouses do is make a checklist?" An excellent question. My answer was "Because making a list feels as if we are imposing order on the situation." And isn't that really what it is all about?
The build up is so terrible. SO busy and yet we desperately try to cram more family time in there to make up for all the time we won't have. We have no idea what will happen to our soldier once they head out that door. I can't control which road he drives on, what FOB he is on, or which flight he is on. But I can make a list. Things I want him to fix before he goes. Things I need to get for him because he will be living "expeditionary" style for a few months. When are we taking the family pic? (Try not to think about what if this is the last family pic!) Do we need a new POA or is the last one still valid? What can I do with the kids all summer to keep me from wringing their necks as they squabble?
Lists.
They make me feel like I can control what is happening to us.
I have been having trouble with lack of control lately. We just found out where we will go when he comes home. Of course, the Army told us "Kansas" in two different official emails, but then (in a third official email) they told us, "Never mind, you're staying in VA." It was great news, but it left me feeling tired and yanked around, much like the toys my kids fight over would feel. We will have to go through this again next winter, because it is just a one year assignment. I also am banging my head against the wall with my kids. Can't control those people either.
I know I am supposed to just trust in God and His plan, but frankly, I am having a hard time with that right now. Maybe it is because I can't even keep the family room picked up for 5 minutes.
Deep, cleansing breaths, right?
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