I don't know how I do it either.

"I just don't know how you do it"

I am fairly certain it is meant as a compliment.  But if you want to know the truth, I am standing there thinking," BOY! Have I got you fooled!"   It just goes to show that a well-coordinated outfit and cute shoes make everyone believe you have your life in order.

I really believe that you get what you can handle plus a little bit, just to stretch you and help you grow. There are some days that I don't particularly enjoy the stretching and growing.  Those are the days when I fantasize about the NYC apartment I could be sharing with 2 cats.  Cats that would let me take a shower and have a phone conversation without interrupting me for drinks, snacks, or technical assistance with the TV.  Luckily for my kids, they are pretty cute and entertaining to boot. So I continue my attempts to block off enough time to shower and live in a house in the 'burbs.

I read an interesting article about the gaping chasm between civilians and military servicemen.   The writer briefly touched on families- how a lot of us live on the installation, behind fences and razor wire and with armed guards at the gates.  Talk about "gated communities".  While I don't think that anyone would argue that military service, especially during war, changes a person, I think the author missed a great opportunity to tell the stories of those who *must* straddle the chasm.  We, the military families.

  News flash- I AM a civilian.  I do not fully comprehend what combat is like or how one can live on a FOB near Fallujah, or trying to sleep while the sirens wail, warning of incoming rockets.  My six years of service didn't involve a deployment; I was leaving the Army as we prepped to invade Iraq.  But military spouses are intimately affected by the gap- it is bed with them every night, especially when their soldier is not.

We can't completely understand our soldiers' experiences.  All we can do is love them and hope that it is enough. But we don't belong to the civilian world either.  I can't imagine ever complaining about my husband working late 3 nights in a row (only 3?) or being gone 1 weekend for a business trip.  But these are real hurdles for civilian families, because they are used to a level of togetherness that many (especially younger) Army couples have never even experienced.

How many brides-to-be would take that stroll down the aisle fully aware that her betrothed will leave for Afghanistan 3 weeks after the wedding, and that there isn't enough time for them to take a "real" honeymoon?  I know one such courageous woman.  I don't know how she does it.

How does one hold on, when one has been married 6 years and has two children, but never lived with one's husband more than 12 consecutive months (which doesn't count the time he was gone for training during those 12 months) because he is on his third deployment?   I know a woman like that too.  I don't know how she does it.

I guess the answer is that we, the military spouses, only belong to each other.  We reside on some little spit of land between civilian and military, where we take care of each other the very best that we can.

How do any of us do it?  Together, or not at all.