I have only met one or two truly starry-eyed optimists. People who really thought that things were always just great! I long for a sip of whatever they were drinking.
I am a hope for the best, plan for the worst/ "hope is not a course of action" kind of girl. Unkind people would say I am a bit of a control freak. Maybe with all of the crazy changes throughout my life, having my books alphabetized by author within a subject area is just how I cope. Children and people who like control are like oil and water, by the way. Unless you can cede control in some areas and just accept it as how life is. Fortunately, I have done fairly well at that. I will confess to trying to force some kind of BAG on my boys (that's Barracks Arrangement Guide for those who could fold (or not) their socks which ever way they wanted to in college). Forgive me for thinking that socks should all be in one drawer, and why on earth would it be the middle one? I think they belong in the top drawer, but bottom drawer works too. #2 pointed out that his feet were on the bottom, so that is where he wanted his socks. Logical. I can work with that.
So, my day to day existence is pretty much chaos. You get used to it. But sometimes I think, "How the heck can this all happen to one person? And why I am the lucky son of a gun?" I am blessed in so many ways (no terminal illnesses, severe handicaps, etc), but sometimes it feels like death by a thousand cuts. Now that I think about it, company command felt a lot like this too.
This week we had multiple sick people (including me) with TWO different ailments. I am grateful that I only participated in the upper-respiratory one. I somehow picked up a sharp piece of metal in my tire. I lost a credit card for a few hours, only to eventually find it in the jeans in the washing machine. #5 fell off the front step and got a scrape on her face. (This is the same kid that sported a shiner from running into something in TX. I have always worried that my kids will get me investigated by CPS because they like to watch the sibling that is in pursuit as they try to run away.) If I get any more emails from #1's teachers, I may just cry. My husband fell off the face of the earth for a few days without warning (testing my nerves, I guess).
Staying centered is a HUGE challenge lately. Anyone who has been in a hurricane (I did 3 during my 2 years in FL- who's the lucky girl?), can tell you how very loud it is. And how, after several hours, you just want to get away from that sound. That is where I am today. Loud winds around me and I am trying to find the quiet spot in my head. I started yoga again- it used to get me some strange looks in college, but I guess you don't expect to see people in a shoulder stand when you walk into the room. I find child's pose most comforting lately. #5 likes to try it with me, but soon switches to doing front rolls and kicking me in the head as she lands. Lots of deep breaths and warm beverages. Maybe it won't rain this week and we can take the stroller out for a run.
After the first day of fighting at Shiloh, Sherman told Grant,"We've had the devil's own day, haven't we?" Grant replied, "Yes. Lick 'em tomorrow, though."
Me too, General.
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