We are just about at the halfway point. With no return date, it is hard to say for sure. But for whatever reason, I miss him more this time. I guess it is because we never really "re-integrated" from the last deployment. There wasn't really time. And no, I am not used to him being gone (that is this week's "dumb question from a civilian"). I am used to driving and picking up and doing homework all by myself, though I don't enjoy it even a little. I AM NOT and will NEVER BE used to him not being part of the everyday life of our family.
My birthday falls around Thanksgiving and I spent it driving to my mom's house for the holiday weekend. (Nothing says "Happy Birthday" like no traffic :) ) I'm glad I have family around this deployment, because it was really tough for me to refrain from throwing myself a pity party.
He was here last Thanksgiving and Christmas, but I can't remember much about Christmas. We were waiting for the official word that he would leave WAY earlier than previously scheduled. I remember trying to make sure the holidays were just fabulous for the kids, because I knew in my heart he wasn't going to be here the next Christmas. There was a cloud over me the whole time.
Just in case the Army can't come up with any other reason to stop with the 12 month dwell time, here's a reason: Families don't "reintegrate" that quickly. It is really hard to create the new "normal" when the next deployment is already rearing its ugly head. The first brigade my husband deployed with had the timeline for the next deployment about the time the unit reached the halfway point of their tour in Iraq.
I officially cancelled my turkey day pity party after receiving some emails from my husband. He has no idea I was even wallowing in self-pity at the time. I realized that if I wasn't ready for him to go, he was just as unprepared to leave us. He doesn't know our youngest daughter at all- he left for JRTC when she was 10 days old and deployed when she was 3 months old. She'll be walking before he gets here for leave. He is missing out on watching our oldest earn rank in Boy Scouts and doing all that stuff with him (I was done sleeping on the ground once I left the Army). But while we are all missing him, he misses all of us. Let just say it- it really sucks, and it sucks more to be him than to be me. And I can't do a damn thing to make it better or easier or more pleasant, other than pics and emails and all that.
It's probably a good thing to focus on to keep me from moping through the holidays. I am here with the kids, my own bathroom, electricity that doesn't quit, and the loony cat. He is in a tent on a cot in middle of nowhere. I need to be grateful for the other things too- he is (relatively speaking) safe and uninjured. There is a gold star family around here. I know the mother through my daughter's activities. My heart hurts for them always, but especially around the holidays.
I am already looking forward to next year, when we can all celebrate together and will be blissfully ignorant of pending deployments, because he won't have an assignment yet. Maybe playing ostrich is not always a bad idea.
30 November 2010
18 November 2010
My two square pegs
Sometimes I forget that I read alot more than most people, especially things about learning and teaching and child development. I also forget that social skills and manners were tossed out the window years ago, meaning people will say things that should not have left the space between their ears.
My second son was diagnosed as ADHD, hyperactive type when he was 6. He had wild mood swings and "poor impulse control". He also still has tactile issues (think tags and seams in clothing). We are working to refine his diagnosis, because as he grows older it seems less accurate. He is currently working with a counselor and being treated for anxiety and depression, which is connected to the craziness of Army life and his dad's deployments. If we retire at 20 years, it will be because he needs to stay in one place. Our gypsy lifestyle does not fit him well.
When we were first trying to figure him out, I was rather taken aback by some of the reactions I got from people, especially family and acquaintances. (My friends, I am glad to say, supported me without question.) At first, a lot of people told me it was a discipline problem. And while he was hard to control, his behaviors were not due to a lack of effort on our part. People second-guessed my decision to homeschool him, my decision not to homeschool him, my decision to see if medication would help him. As if watching my child struggle and suffer while my husband worked long days and then prepared to deploy wasn't enough, I had to deal with the tactless busy-bodies of the world.
I am glad to say that he is stable now. He is learning and coping with school (he is extremely intelligent, which makes it a little easier). He has made some friends. We will move this summer and next summer, so I need to make sure he stays in a good place mentally. But he isn't "normal".
"Normal". That elusive and imaginary mark on the wall that only exists statistically. It seems that we are all, in fact, just a little bit off.
Just this past week, we finished the evaluation process with #1. He is struggling in school and with homework. He has garnered a diagnosis of ADHD- inattentive type. He CANNOT concentrate. EVER. On anything. Because I homeschooled him most of his life, I know he can learn and even likes to learn. He cannot handle homework or long-term projects. Again, here come the opinion-holders of the world.
"ADHD is just something they made up. When I was a kid, they just made us pay attention."
"He just needs more discipline" (These people obviously don't know me as a parent at all. See sock drawer story from a few weeks ago)
"He's just trying to get out of it"
"Maybe he should eat less sugar.....food coloring.....grains.....processed food...."
"He probably watches too much TV and video games"
I think it is most frustrating that the small private school he attends doesn't "believe" in ADD. Or at least that is what I have been told. I will find out for sure over the next few days.
Psychological issues and learning disabilities are absolutely heartbreaking to deal with as a mom. I think it is because at the surface, my kids look completely "normal". But they are not just like everyone else. ADHD is covered by IDEA, meaning my kids could have IEPs and accommodations to help them succeed in school. No one would dare tell the parents of a child with a physical disability that the child "just needs more discipline." Just because he looks "okay" when he walks down the street doesn't mean that he fits into the round hole at school.
Still, people have a hard time accepting it. Maybe it is because my husband and I are both intelligent and well-educated, so they assume my kids would be too. But they are intelligent, they just need to be taught in a manner that helps them learn.
So back to the library I go, armed with a list of materials the doctor recommended that I read. I had done some cursory research into attention problems when I was homeschooling. I have known #1 had trouble focusing, but we had been able to work through it (or around it). Maybe it is a good thing that I don't work also. Being an advocate for my two sons as we move (and move and move) will take up some time. I also wonder what it means for them in the long term. Will they be able to succeed in a college environment? Will they be able to achieve their goals? I am also nervous about #3 (also a boy). Will this issue arise with him as well? I'll just have to wait and see, but if it does, I'll have his back too.
My second son was diagnosed as ADHD, hyperactive type when he was 6. He had wild mood swings and "poor impulse control". He also still has tactile issues (think tags and seams in clothing). We are working to refine his diagnosis, because as he grows older it seems less accurate. He is currently working with a counselor and being treated for anxiety and depression, which is connected to the craziness of Army life and his dad's deployments. If we retire at 20 years, it will be because he needs to stay in one place. Our gypsy lifestyle does not fit him well.
When we were first trying to figure him out, I was rather taken aback by some of the reactions I got from people, especially family and acquaintances. (My friends, I am glad to say, supported me without question.) At first, a lot of people told me it was a discipline problem. And while he was hard to control, his behaviors were not due to a lack of effort on our part. People second-guessed my decision to homeschool him, my decision not to homeschool him, my decision to see if medication would help him. As if watching my child struggle and suffer while my husband worked long days and then prepared to deploy wasn't enough, I had to deal with the tactless busy-bodies of the world.
I am glad to say that he is stable now. He is learning and coping with school (he is extremely intelligent, which makes it a little easier). He has made some friends. We will move this summer and next summer, so I need to make sure he stays in a good place mentally. But he isn't "normal".
"Normal". That elusive and imaginary mark on the wall that only exists statistically. It seems that we are all, in fact, just a little bit off.
Just this past week, we finished the evaluation process with #1. He is struggling in school and with homework. He has garnered a diagnosis of ADHD- inattentive type. He CANNOT concentrate. EVER. On anything. Because I homeschooled him most of his life, I know he can learn and even likes to learn. He cannot handle homework or long-term projects. Again, here come the opinion-holders of the world.
"ADHD is just something they made up. When I was a kid, they just made us pay attention."
"He just needs more discipline" (These people obviously don't know me as a parent at all. See sock drawer story from a few weeks ago)
"He's just trying to get out of it"
"Maybe he should eat less sugar.....food coloring.....grains.....processed food...."
"He probably watches too much TV and video games"
I think it is most frustrating that the small private school he attends doesn't "believe" in ADD. Or at least that is what I have been told. I will find out for sure over the next few days.
Psychological issues and learning disabilities are absolutely heartbreaking to deal with as a mom. I think it is because at the surface, my kids look completely "normal". But they are not just like everyone else. ADHD is covered by IDEA, meaning my kids could have IEPs and accommodations to help them succeed in school. No one would dare tell the parents of a child with a physical disability that the child "just needs more discipline." Just because he looks "okay" when he walks down the street doesn't mean that he fits into the round hole at school.
Still, people have a hard time accepting it. Maybe it is because my husband and I are both intelligent and well-educated, so they assume my kids would be too. But they are intelligent, they just need to be taught in a manner that helps them learn.
So back to the library I go, armed with a list of materials the doctor recommended that I read. I had done some cursory research into attention problems when I was homeschooling. I have known #1 had trouble focusing, but we had been able to work through it (or around it). Maybe it is a good thing that I don't work also. Being an advocate for my two sons as we move (and move and move) will take up some time. I also wonder what it means for them in the long term. Will they be able to succeed in a college environment? Will they be able to achieve their goals? I am also nervous about #3 (also a boy). Will this issue arise with him as well? I'll just have to wait and see, but if it does, I'll have his back too.
09 November 2010
Where did I go?
This is exceptionally hard to share. I only do so to offer support in the form of shared burdens with my fellow spouses and to give insight to those in the civilian world.
Time changes us all. So do deployments. The fun begins when we all try to catch back up.
Sometimes I feel like the past three years have not been real time, as normal people experience it. It's been some crazy, sped-up version, not unlike "dog years", but with really long days. I feel way more than 3 years older. I am about 5 years worth of tired.
Sometimes I am so busy living, that the simplest things evade me.
The other night, my kids said things that really made stop and think, and then decide to forge a path out of the mental and emotional wilderness I have been living in. #3 told me that when he was a dad, he was never going to yell at his kids. He was always going to talk to them in his nice voice. That hurt. What really knocked the wind out of me was later that night, when #4 said, "Mommy, you're smiling. Why? You don't usually do that."
This person- this irritable, stressed-out, sleep-deprived nutcase- is not me. Or wasn't, back when I knew me. Back before the war cut in. I loved my kids with every ounce of my being. They made me smile, almost all the time. Except maybe when they left legos on the living room floor (those really hurt). I was very laid back and just relaxed and enjoyed life. I loved to take my kids on road trips and see whatever we lived near. We'd sing silly songs and dance silly dances. I liked that woman.
How sad then, that when I looked in the mirror the other night after putting my kids in bed, I saw little sign of her left. How much sadder for my two oldest, who have watched their mother change right before their eyes, from the woman I was to this stranger with my face. My smile overshadowed by dark circles and worry lines, my laughter and jokes replaced by cynicism and weariness. And then my youngest ones, who never knew that other mom.
So that's it. These last years of deployment and dwell time (when his job ate his life and he was rarely home for bedtime) are not going to win. I am taking myself back. The grouchy bitch is hitting the road, and is not invited back. Ever.
Yesterday I did great. I was positive all day, focused on keeping a smile on my face. This afternoon shook me a bit. #1 came home with a C+ on his end of grading period math exam. They were all careless errors- he had an A average going into this test (which makes it worse in my book). And I almost started crying when I walked in to the basement before bedtime, and saw all the toys I had just put away back out on the floor. My back is a wreck (a combo of stress and carrying 23 lb #6 around), and I just couldn't even think about all that bending over again. My kids came to my rescue- with hugs and a fast cleanup. Then #3 came to read me a story.
They deserve a happy mom. I deserve to be a happy mom. Time to dig deeper. Pray. Stay balanced. Try to go to bed earlier (ha!). I am going to eat better and exercise more, and seriously think about cutting back on coffee and tea. That might have to wait until warmer weather returns, though.
We are gradually gaining on the halfway mark of this deployment. R&R is only 2 calendar pages away. I need to focus, so that my family will thrive, not just scrape by. I need to have something positive here for my husband to come home to, because all this time later, he might be someone else too.
Time changes us all. So do deployments. The fun begins when we all try to catch back up.
Sometimes I feel like the past three years have not been real time, as normal people experience it. It's been some crazy, sped-up version, not unlike "dog years", but with really long days. I feel way more than 3 years older. I am about 5 years worth of tired.
Sometimes I am so busy living, that the simplest things evade me.
The other night, my kids said things that really made stop and think, and then decide to forge a path out of the mental and emotional wilderness I have been living in. #3 told me that when he was a dad, he was never going to yell at his kids. He was always going to talk to them in his nice voice. That hurt. What really knocked the wind out of me was later that night, when #4 said, "Mommy, you're smiling. Why? You don't usually do that."
This person- this irritable, stressed-out, sleep-deprived nutcase- is not me. Or wasn't, back when I knew me. Back before the war cut in. I loved my kids with every ounce of my being. They made me smile, almost all the time. Except maybe when they left legos on the living room floor (those really hurt). I was very laid back and just relaxed and enjoyed life. I loved to take my kids on road trips and see whatever we lived near. We'd sing silly songs and dance silly dances. I liked that woman.
How sad then, that when I looked in the mirror the other night after putting my kids in bed, I saw little sign of her left. How much sadder for my two oldest, who have watched their mother change right before their eyes, from the woman I was to this stranger with my face. My smile overshadowed by dark circles and worry lines, my laughter and jokes replaced by cynicism and weariness. And then my youngest ones, who never knew that other mom.
So that's it. These last years of deployment and dwell time (when his job ate his life and he was rarely home for bedtime) are not going to win. I am taking myself back. The grouchy bitch is hitting the road, and is not invited back. Ever.
Yesterday I did great. I was positive all day, focused on keeping a smile on my face. This afternoon shook me a bit. #1 came home with a C+ on his end of grading period math exam. They were all careless errors- he had an A average going into this test (which makes it worse in my book). And I almost started crying when I walked in to the basement before bedtime, and saw all the toys I had just put away back out on the floor. My back is a wreck (a combo of stress and carrying 23 lb #6 around), and I just couldn't even think about all that bending over again. My kids came to my rescue- with hugs and a fast cleanup. Then #3 came to read me a story.
They deserve a happy mom. I deserve to be a happy mom. Time to dig deeper. Pray. Stay balanced. Try to go to bed earlier (ha!). I am going to eat better and exercise more, and seriously think about cutting back on coffee and tea. That might have to wait until warmer weather returns, though.
We are gradually gaining on the halfway mark of this deployment. R&R is only 2 calendar pages away. I need to focus, so that my family will thrive, not just scrape by. I need to have something positive here for my husband to come home to, because all this time later, he might be someone else too.
08 November 2010
If the Army wanted him to have a wife, they would've issued him one.
That's a bit harsh. But it feels true at times.
In this crazy Army life, I have chosen to be the parent at home. I am the stability in an otherwise unstable existence. I feel great satisfaction that I am able to lessen the stresses borne by my children, whether by dreaming up an elaborate travel plan that makes our move feel more like a vacation, or shielding them from the reality of what their dad is doing now and might go do next. But, as most stay at home parents know, something's got to give. And it's usually us.
As I approach one of the "milestone" birthdays, I think more and more about what happens to me next. We have only a few years left before we can retire. Our children are gradually entering school. What am I going to do with myself when there are no more deployments to endure or moves to plan? Do I try to do a little something now, to position myself better for whatever it is that I might want to do later? Or with all the specifics I am lacking, maybe I need to sit and catch my breath for a spell?
I think the military life makes it exceptionally difficult for spouses to have dreams that are anything more than that. I know we have all heard about studying "portable" things, like nursing (ick!), dental hygienist (ICK!!), teacher, etc. But even that is no guarantee of success. Legally, employers cannot ask, but one doesn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to pick out the resume that belongs to a military spouse. And not many places want to hire a person who could leave at a moment's (or 90 days) notice. Some of my friends have even experienced being shut out of employment opportunities, because they aren't really "from" that town, and the non-military business owners look out for the other civilians in the area. Naturally, this leads to fierce competition for positions on post or with those who will hire military spouses.
So what do we do, besides try to adhere to the Army spouse motto, "Semper Gumby"?
This is where spousal communication and a whole lot of patience come into play. My husband and I often discuss our evolving life plans and goals. When he looks at assignments, he really does try to find places that have an opportunity for me to achieve some of my personal goals. That has been tough these last few years, as kid #3 through kid #6 are all fairly close together. But we are still talking about the day when the planets align and the kids are in school and I can do.....something. Provided, of course, that we live somewhere that has something for me to do. I would love to finally get a Masters or PhD, but preparing to take a GRE when you don't even know what state you could be living in is, well, challenging. As is trying to refresh and supplement your education with the limited options around some posts.
The Army has finally recognized the lack of real career options for spouses is a retention liability. When we started out (waaaaay back in the day ;) ), it hadn't really occurred to the powers that be that it was an issue. Honestly, one can't expect a soldier to live in the middle of nowhere for years on end, and have nothing for his (or her!) spouse to do to pursue their goals while they support their soldier. That will end in divorce or ETS. Especially now, when so many of us have at least some college and likely had careers before swooning over some cutie in Dress Blues. My CAA was a good effort, but somehow went awry. We need to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow spouses, to make sure we aren't forgotten. When one is dealing with the Army or DoD, the squeaky wheel really does gets the grease.
Issued or not, we are here. And our dreams matter too.
In this crazy Army life, I have chosen to be the parent at home. I am the stability in an otherwise unstable existence. I feel great satisfaction that I am able to lessen the stresses borne by my children, whether by dreaming up an elaborate travel plan that makes our move feel more like a vacation, or shielding them from the reality of what their dad is doing now and might go do next. But, as most stay at home parents know, something's got to give. And it's usually us.
As I approach one of the "milestone" birthdays, I think more and more about what happens to me next. We have only a few years left before we can retire. Our children are gradually entering school. What am I going to do with myself when there are no more deployments to endure or moves to plan? Do I try to do a little something now, to position myself better for whatever it is that I might want to do later? Or with all the specifics I am lacking, maybe I need to sit and catch my breath for a spell?
I think the military life makes it exceptionally difficult for spouses to have dreams that are anything more than that. I know we have all heard about studying "portable" things, like nursing (ick!), dental hygienist (ICK!!), teacher, etc. But even that is no guarantee of success. Legally, employers cannot ask, but one doesn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to pick out the resume that belongs to a military spouse. And not many places want to hire a person who could leave at a moment's (or 90 days) notice. Some of my friends have even experienced being shut out of employment opportunities, because they aren't really "from" that town, and the non-military business owners look out for the other civilians in the area. Naturally, this leads to fierce competition for positions on post or with those who will hire military spouses.
So what do we do, besides try to adhere to the Army spouse motto, "Semper Gumby"?
This is where spousal communication and a whole lot of patience come into play. My husband and I often discuss our evolving life plans and goals. When he looks at assignments, he really does try to find places that have an opportunity for me to achieve some of my personal goals. That has been tough these last few years, as kid #3 through kid #6 are all fairly close together. But we are still talking about the day when the planets align and the kids are in school and I can do.....something. Provided, of course, that we live somewhere that has something for me to do. I would love to finally get a Masters or PhD, but preparing to take a GRE when you don't even know what state you could be living in is, well, challenging. As is trying to refresh and supplement your education with the limited options around some posts.
The Army has finally recognized the lack of real career options for spouses is a retention liability. When we started out (waaaaay back in the day ;) ), it hadn't really occurred to the powers that be that it was an issue. Honestly, one can't expect a soldier to live in the middle of nowhere for years on end, and have nothing for his (or her!) spouse to do to pursue their goals while they support their soldier. That will end in divorce or ETS. Especially now, when so many of us have at least some college and likely had careers before swooning over some cutie in Dress Blues. My CAA was a good effort, but somehow went awry. We need to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow spouses, to make sure we aren't forgotten. When one is dealing with the Army or DoD, the squeaky wheel really does gets the grease.
Issued or not, we are here. And our dreams matter too.
04 November 2010
Many hands make light work, but only if you can find more hands Part 2
"We came from a small, small town and three fellows in my town that were 4F committed suicide."
from Band of Brothers, a soldier discusses the shame felt by some who could not fight in WWII
I don't plan on blathering on about "the Greatest Generation". But it is an interesting foil for the present.
When I lived in Florida, I had a conversation with another mom that I have never been able to get out of my mind. We were discussing vocations (people becoming priests and nuns, for those non-Catholics in the crowd) and I said I would fully support my son if he wanted to become a priest. This mom looked at me incredulously and said she would be very upset about her kids pursuing a vocation and would try to dissuade them. She wanted them both to "get married, have high-paying jobs and have some grandkids for me." I was totally floored. She had been Catholic all her life and just told me she would do whatever she could to change their minds. Where exactly did this woman think future priests and nuns would come from? I also thought it was telling that she mentioned jobs and money. Some callings are just that, and they pay poorly. I am guessing artist, musician or dancer would not be authorized careers either, as they tend to not be high-paying.
It is the same attitude that keeps kids from considering the Armed Forces.
Yes, it is a challenging path. But for some people it is an incredible opportunity to truly affect change in this crazy world. Within hours of Haiti's earthquake, military units were alerted and prepped to go. My friend was sent to Honduras after that huge hurricane nearly washed it away in 98. My unit was alerted to possibly go to the Carolinas when a storm was aimed right for the coast. Another friend's college graduation was cancelled because the Red River flooded Grand Forks, and her NG unit was there helping. Those aren't even the big things.
"We can do no great things, just small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The notion of sacrifice as a good has nearly vanished from our society. It is in our flawed human nature to avoid pain and hardship. We forget that it is all part of the path of life. We too often divorce if sustaining a marriage becomes challenging or uninteresting. We too often mock mothers who leave careers for their family. Members of that thin camo line, those who protect us from people who would murder us in our cities, are written off as too foolish to attend college- kids who didn't study and instead got "stuck in Iraq".
I was an AIT (training unit where soldiers learn their jobs) company commander a million years ago (approx :) ). I will tell you that I had plenty of smart kids that chose supply as their job. Some kids had some college under their belts. I also had kids who saw the Army as their lifeline. Like the kid with the oldest eyes I have ever seen on an 18 year old, he told me he went to a recruiter's office the day after his best friend was killed by a rival gang. He told me he knew if he didn't get out of there, he would never make anything of himself and would end up as a chalk outline too. But I also saw the wave come in after 9/11. Kids who watched it happen on TV and swore that they were going to be part of the solution. These kids didn't want any more planes killing thousands more office workers. They were inspiring.
Where did they get that idea? From their family and community. People who talked about things like Duty, Honor, and Selfless Service. People who taught them that they are a small part of a greater community, and that they need to contribute to the greater good and sometimes it means you hoe a tougher row.
WE, the people. the parents, need to teach our children and model to our neighbors that the valiant sacrifices our servicemen make are worth more than any fancy house or boat or high-brow career. Without our servicemen and women, our freedoms would be greatly diminished and our prosperity would vanish.
The trends for enlistment follow regional lines. Texas (pop:24.7 million) had 10,000 people enlist for the Regular Army according to USAREC for the most recent year available, California (36.9 million) had only 8000. Texas' economy is doing just fine, by the way, so the line about "there are no jobs where they come from" doesn't necessarily apply. Georgia (9.8 mil) had more kids enlist than New York (19.5 mil), with NC (9.4 mil) right behind them.
So what does this mean for the draft, which is where I originally started?
We need to educate people and reach out. I think more people would volunteer if the notion of service wasn't so foreign to them. I also think that the only way our nation will be jolted off of its increasingly widening backside is when our enemies get lucky. So many people work so hard everyday to try to stop them, but our enemies, the same people who think blowing up discos in Israel is a good idea, aren't going to give up anytime soon. And they only have to get lucky once. That package bomb they found in France was 17 minutes away from detonation. It has taken me longer than that to write this blog entry.
I worry about our nation. Cultures this complacent tend to fade away. Maybe it is the way that they teach "social studies" these days, but we, America, we conquered this land. It was hard and hostile and a lot of people died to fulfill what was then called our "Manifest Destiny". How is it that Lewis and Clark could blaze a trail to the West, but our young people today live only for their creature comforts and Dancing with the Stars? I am hopeful, but not confident. Can you draft a nation that has forgotten its warrior spirit?
I don't know that a draft at this point in time would serve the nation or our services well. I think it would weaken our Army despite the increase in manpower. I would love to hear your rebuttals, because I am not set in stone on this. It is a huge thing to sort out.
from Band of Brothers, a soldier discusses the shame felt by some who could not fight in WWII
I don't plan on blathering on about "the Greatest Generation". But it is an interesting foil for the present.
When I lived in Florida, I had a conversation with another mom that I have never been able to get out of my mind. We were discussing vocations (people becoming priests and nuns, for those non-Catholics in the crowd) and I said I would fully support my son if he wanted to become a priest. This mom looked at me incredulously and said she would be very upset about her kids pursuing a vocation and would try to dissuade them. She wanted them both to "get married, have high-paying jobs and have some grandkids for me." I was totally floored. She had been Catholic all her life and just told me she would do whatever she could to change their minds. Where exactly did this woman think future priests and nuns would come from? I also thought it was telling that she mentioned jobs and money. Some callings are just that, and they pay poorly. I am guessing artist, musician or dancer would not be authorized careers either, as they tend to not be high-paying.
It is the same attitude that keeps kids from considering the Armed Forces.
Yes, it is a challenging path. But for some people it is an incredible opportunity to truly affect change in this crazy world. Within hours of Haiti's earthquake, military units were alerted and prepped to go. My friend was sent to Honduras after that huge hurricane nearly washed it away in 98. My unit was alerted to possibly go to the Carolinas when a storm was aimed right for the coast. Another friend's college graduation was cancelled because the Red River flooded Grand Forks, and her NG unit was there helping. Those aren't even the big things.
"We can do no great things, just small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The notion of sacrifice as a good has nearly vanished from our society. It is in our flawed human nature to avoid pain and hardship. We forget that it is all part of the path of life. We too often divorce if sustaining a marriage becomes challenging or uninteresting. We too often mock mothers who leave careers for their family. Members of that thin camo line, those who protect us from people who would murder us in our cities, are written off as too foolish to attend college- kids who didn't study and instead got "stuck in Iraq".
I was an AIT (training unit where soldiers learn their jobs) company commander a million years ago (approx :) ). I will tell you that I had plenty of smart kids that chose supply as their job. Some kids had some college under their belts. I also had kids who saw the Army as their lifeline. Like the kid with the oldest eyes I have ever seen on an 18 year old, he told me he went to a recruiter's office the day after his best friend was killed by a rival gang. He told me he knew if he didn't get out of there, he would never make anything of himself and would end up as a chalk outline too. But I also saw the wave come in after 9/11. Kids who watched it happen on TV and swore that they were going to be part of the solution. These kids didn't want any more planes killing thousands more office workers. They were inspiring.
Where did they get that idea? From their family and community. People who talked about things like Duty, Honor, and Selfless Service. People who taught them that they are a small part of a greater community, and that they need to contribute to the greater good and sometimes it means you hoe a tougher row.
WE, the people. the parents, need to teach our children and model to our neighbors that the valiant sacrifices our servicemen make are worth more than any fancy house or boat or high-brow career. Without our servicemen and women, our freedoms would be greatly diminished and our prosperity would vanish.
The trends for enlistment follow regional lines. Texas (pop:24.7 million) had 10,000 people enlist for the Regular Army according to USAREC for the most recent year available, California (36.9 million) had only 8000. Texas' economy is doing just fine, by the way, so the line about "there are no jobs where they come from" doesn't necessarily apply. Georgia (9.8 mil) had more kids enlist than New York (19.5 mil), with NC (9.4 mil) right behind them.
So what does this mean for the draft, which is where I originally started?
We need to educate people and reach out. I think more people would volunteer if the notion of service wasn't so foreign to them. I also think that the only way our nation will be jolted off of its increasingly widening backside is when our enemies get lucky. So many people work so hard everyday to try to stop them, but our enemies, the same people who think blowing up discos in Israel is a good idea, aren't going to give up anytime soon. And they only have to get lucky once. That package bomb they found in France was 17 minutes away from detonation. It has taken me longer than that to write this blog entry.
I worry about our nation. Cultures this complacent tend to fade away. Maybe it is the way that they teach "social studies" these days, but we, America, we conquered this land. It was hard and hostile and a lot of people died to fulfill what was then called our "Manifest Destiny". How is it that Lewis and Clark could blaze a trail to the West, but our young people today live only for their creature comforts and Dancing with the Stars? I am hopeful, but not confident. Can you draft a nation that has forgotten its warrior spirit?
I don't know that a draft at this point in time would serve the nation or our services well. I think it would weaken our Army despite the increase in manpower. I would love to hear your rebuttals, because I am not set in stone on this. It is a huge thing to sort out.
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