The joys of renting (and living with other people's attempts at interior design)

I have been in the house 90 days- threshold has been crossed. We have lived here long enough that there is noticeable dust on my furniture. I have been a busy girl since we moved here, aside from unpacking and child herding.  I have repainted, because most of the colors were gawd-awful. White entryway, too light green kitchen, yucky yellow bathroom and bedroom, too dark blue bathroom...need I go on?  It is now warm and cozy and homey. :) At least for the next year or so.

House hunting around here was down right hysterical. Some of the homes are circa 1970s and have the wallpaper to prove it.  If I saw terrible wallpaper on line, sometimes I just ruled the house out completely.  But the best was when people clearly tried to do what the designers do on HGTV, but failed.  Next move, I'll take pics of the champion designs, so to speak, and post them here.

 I have adapted to some of the, er, interesting decorative features of the house.  Like the half-wall wood panelling in the family room. Or the full-on wood panelling in the basement rec room, nicely complimented by carpet that is the color (and almost the texture) of a Brillo pad.  Then there was the carpet in the master bath, which was ripped out the day after I signed the lease. I assume those things were done many years ago, when it seemed like a good idea, not necessarily to achieve a design scheme.

But then there is the Tuscan Room.

Our dining room is faux-finished in a deep reddish-goldish color (sponged). Faux-finishes are WAY out of date.  But the owners love it, because they painted it, so ALL the tenants must keep it. Um, seriously? You don't live here. And how the hell am I supposed to cover up those nail holes? I guess I am not, and that is why there are a dozen nails/ screws still in the wall.  I did use my art work to hide the worst of them.

Then the light fixture is a cut glass chandelier. Awfully formal for my pub height, slate top table.

This room goes with pretty much nothing that I own. (Hmm. No wait, there is that one water color of Venice that we own.)  It actually looks okay now, I found the most complementary wall hangings I had. And the room color seems less obnoxious, because I made sure all the downstairs paint colors work with the Tuscan Room. Before, the other rooms were white and light green.  And then, poof, here's a Tuscan Room. It made no sense, in regards to design.  At least we have good flow now, and I LOVE the format living room that leads into the Tuscan Room. The color is called Tiny Fawn and it is so rich- looks great with the piano, club chairs and books.  I like to sit in there and admire the cleanliness, since no one under 18 is allowed in that room.

But today, I found another design oddity.  Our owners like brushed nickel in the bathroom. Well, so do I. Fabulous.

But the master bath (carpeting aside) looks like it was designed by a schizophrenic.  Clearly, they either started to redo and ran out of funds/ interest/ time, or they couldn't pick and went two different directions in the same room.  We have aforementioned brushed nickel over the sink, but, if you turn around, the towel racks, shelving and TP holder are black wrought iron looking things. The towel racks are retarded because the bar is only an inch away from the wall. Very hard to hang a towel on. And just to keep it varied, there in a hanging light fixture near the shower that is (wait for it) copper. IN THE BATHROOM. So as I was dusting the light fixture in the bathroom (because it's been 90 days), the dust was mixed in with green from the copper. You know, because it is a BATHROOM and very humid in there.  Perhaps not the best idea ever.  And the window looks like it should open, but it doesn't.  Why not???

Just more things to add to my list of "Things I will NEVER have in my real house." It includes other design ideas such as: 4"square tile with big caulk lines on the kitchen counter; Washer and dryer in the middle of the kitchen; White tile on the kitchen floor; Cream colored carpet (in a rental house???); Work triangles so tight, that two appliances could not be open at the same time; Stand up showers with no lip to hold water in (that house was a bunch of DIYers- they also tried to lay carpet, run wire and were responsible for the next jem); Replacing a window with french door (good), but leaving the cement window sill in the yard next to the deck (???).

Like a comedian I saw once joked, "Just because Home Depot sells the stuff to do it, doesn't mean you should try it."

No joke.

Back to our regularly scheduled program

Today was his first day back at work (school, really). He was able to take 50 days of leave (split up by TDY and a PCS) since leaving that hole known as Afghanistan. I don't think he has taken more than 10 consecutive days of leave since 2005- not even on a PCS. And being between duty stations is FANTASTIC.  When he came home from Iraq, he kept getting calls from rear d while on leave. Seriously, people? HE IS ON LEAVE. Call someone else.

But is wasn't like that this time. He got re-acquainted with the little girls- they were 4 months, 2.5, and 4.5 when he left.  He was able to spend time with the boys, doing, um, boy stuff. They caught a lizard, which became a member of the family until its untimely demise. We visited my mom. We went to the local amusement park twice. We went to the Smithsonian. Nothing like trying to cram three years worth of family time into 8-ish weeks.

I am kind of glad he is back at work- makes it feel more like real life.  Having him around the house all day feels like R&R. Having him home for dinner after being gone during the day feels right.  Not to mention it lets me and the kids find our groove in our new house.  It means I am around during the day and available to hang out with the ladies (and their kids) again, since I will not be leaving my husband at home to see them. That may sound kind of silly, but I have friends that I have spent more time with than my husband (over the last three years, at least). So I have kind of been unavailable since June.

Now that he feels like part of the family, I get to figure out what I am going to do with myself.  He wants me to do something for me, but with six kids, it is really hard to imagine how I might carve out time for me to do something totally selfish.  All the peeps aren't even school age yet, and the school aged ones have other activities.  Besides, I already did something ridiculous, impractical and in blatant disregard of the fact that I have a basketball team with a sub...... I am signed up for the Army ten miler.  Ummmm, yeah. Probably need to exercise at some point, or my beloved spouse will end up fireman-carrying me across the finish line.  At least he is in shape.

And someone has to cook, wash, clean, blah blah blah blah. 

Oh, look. There is margarita mix in the fridge and tequila in the pantry. Yup. We are back to normal :)

Wow..I was gone a long time...

But I'm back. husband is home, we've moved, unpacked and are re-integrating (that's Army speak for getting used to sharing the bathroom and informing others of your whereabouts again).

We have moved closer to a military base.  I never thought I would be so happy to be in a miitary community. My God, I am so glad to be back.

With only a one-year assignment for certain, I threw myself and my kids in friend-making.  I volunteered for Vacation Bible school at our new church- total ulterior motives. My husband was TDY and I wanted to make sure the kids didn't sit around and make me crazy. So we ALL went, 2 as volunteers, 3 attendees and 2 in the nursery.  Awesome. The week flew, fun was had, and everyone was tired. 

I also got to meet a bunch of people, many of whom were military spouses.  I got linked into a playgroup, just like that. There were other moms new to the area too, who new the best way to make friends quickly was to get out of the house and DO something. I linked in with some of them.  My kids felt much more welcomed at this school/church than they had at the last school.  Other more established moms were super helpful, with advice and suggestions about an area that has almost too many options for stuff.

All these great experiences made me think back on the last year.  I really missed the feeling of sisterhood, of a shared journey. I feel at home again with women who don't need to dust under the couch because the movers will be back before it gets too thick. We are women in flux. Women living the best life they can while rolling with whatever the Army, Navy or Marine Corps throws at them.  I love being in a group that doesn't blanche when I qualify my longish-terms plans with "If we still live here". 

The year in a purely civilian community had it positives and negatives, but I certainly appreciate being in a military community again. I am finally home again, in a place I have never lived, but with people I feel like I already know.

Military spouse appreciation day?

Less than 2% of the population serves.

I don't know that the other 98% seriously cares in a material, definite way about military spouses. My impression is that too many care in a fleeting, unserious way, much like everyone cares about the starving kids in Africa or Haiti. I don't think it is because people are cold or unfeeling (though some might be). I think it is because we are invisible to them. 

We are clustered around military bases, mostly in the South.  The military makes sure most bases are not convenient to any major population centers, keeping us almost cloistered from most of American society. They don't know us.  And as the war drags on (and on and on), I, for one, don't think I know them anymore.

So for all those areas without military, let me break into the rhythm of your life to introduce you to someone you might not know- the military spouse.

She is young or not-so-young-anymore. She is college educated, or not- because frequent moves don't leave much time to finish school.  Sometimes she isn't a she, there are men who have watched their wives go off to war. 

One thing is for sure- she misses her soldier, sailor, airman, or Marine.

She has kids who miss their dad, and she tries to maintain the schedule they had when there were two parents.  She is exhausted.  Offer to drive her kid home from baseball.

She sees children at military family events, but doesn't have her own yet, because he is always deployed or training up for deployment.  Be a friend to her.

She has her happy face on, but inside her heart is breaking, as she unwillingly ticks down the days to his departure.  She smiles for her kids, who don't know he is leaving yet; her fellow spouses, to try to keep spirits up; and herself, to keep from crying.  Smile back.

She is in church with her kids, trying to make them behave and quiet the baby by herself.  Be kind to her.

She is at the grocery store filling her cart with things that can be cooked for one, or she is finding things that kids will eat that are reasonably nutritious and are easy to cook because they can't keep having chicken nuggets for dinner.  Invite her over for dinner, or bring her a meal.

She is new in town and her soldier is already gone.  She wants/ needs to work, but is struggling to find something.  Point her in a good direction.

Her best friend is in a hostile country, with dangers everywhere.  She is lonely without him. Call her just to say hello.

She worries. Her heart is heavy and a few minute chat on Skype can make her week.  Pray for her.

Pray for all of us. Pray for our servicemen and women to return safely and an end to these wars. 


That's how you thank a military spouse.

Rule of Army life #20: Share your bad days in an email to your spouse, and then delete before sending

Writing emails to myself is a coping mechanism I have adopted this deployment.
I might have done it once or twice last deployment, but I am up to two or three a month this time.

Not only does a deployment take a spouse physically away from the other one, but the emotional support seems to disappear too. Not to say that deployed soldiers are unfeeling cads, more that we, at home, become more careful about what we say. They are in a war zone. They are facing IEDs and other dangers constantly. No one wants to be the spouse who argued with her soldier on the phone, only to never get to speak to him again. They want to hear that all is well back home (because they feel guilty about leaving?), and it seems unfeeling to tell them otherwise.  Not to mention that it isn't a good idea. Seems contradictory that less information can be better, but there it is. On the flip side, I prefer to know nothing about whatever is going on over there.

Still, built-up frustration needs a place to go. Some of it can be shared with other spouses, who are, after all, facing the same situation. Kids sometimes get a taste of it, despite a parent's best efforts.  I have found that writing emails that aren't sent is the answer for me.

I can write exactly how I am feeling at the moment- no punches pulled, so softer words sought.  I can curse the Army and Fate; I can blame God, too. I can write about how AWFUL (in detail) the kids were that day and how I am really running away to a tropical island, and he can have the kids. I can swear that the boys are going to military boarding school. I can recount all of the things I am not doing in my own life (remember your own life? Before this whole Army/war thing?) because he isn't living in our house with me like a "normal" married couple.  All of that, and more.

I read it over, and acknowledge that I sound like a raving lunatic.

And then I hit "delete".

No, thanks. No need to save as a draft.

Am I holding back? Yes.
Is holding back helpful at this current juncture of my life? I think so.
Do I feel better? Sure do!


But we're getting closer to that magical reintegration time.  I won't be able to hide behind email anymore. I will have to remember how to talk to him, in person, and live with him.  It's been awhile.  I don't recall much of the time he was home last time.  Truthfully, I didn't reintegrate. I started to, but when the word came that he was leaving again, I pulled back.  No point to it, I reasoned.  I am still leery of him possibly heading back out the door in 12 or so months. He says that the numbers are on our side. I, however, don't think Human Resource Command is on our side.  

Maybe we'll get lucky, and they'll cancel the war due to lack of interest.  Then we can all get back to living, instead of waiting/missing/coping/writing.