I have several good friends whose husbands are exactly off-cycle of my husband. They could have high-fived in the airport in Kuwait as they passed each other by (they didn't, but it's a fun thought). Some of them lived near me, most didn't. I love these women, but the deployment overtakes so many aspects of our lives, that it influences our friendships.
When my husband deployed immediately (less than 30 days) after we arrived at Ft Hood, it was rough. Looking on facebook at pics of friends (and their soldiers!) who left our last duty station and were not immediately deployed was even tougher. It was a feeling somewhere between envy and feeling like I stepped in dog poop and they didn't.
They are my friends. I was happy to see them happy. But there that feeling was. Just sitting there. It would take up residence in some dark crevice of my mind, reappearing in weak, lonely moments. Family vacation pics, Christmas pics, birthday pics. Stuff that made me stay closer to my "deployed" friends, who I could call at 9:30pm on a Saturday night because they were watching TV alone also.
These feelings are petty, for sure. No one was trying to rub their husbands' luck at not being currently deployed in any one's face. But reason and logic are the first things to go when you haven't slept well in four months because your husband is gone, and you feel like you have to stay up late just in case there is a noise or something. (Noise-hearing while asleep is my husband's job. He's good at it. I am not. Hence, less sleep.) At the same time, these were the friends who were not so stressed out and managed to brighten my holiday with Christmas cards, or sent birthday messages, or called to see how I was. They knew how I felt (being Army wives also), but were in a better place to listen because they weren't in the thick of it.
Off-cycle friends at the same duty station are different too. I hardly ever saw them (unless they lived close by). Partially because our spouses were in different units, but also because they spent weekends and vacations as a family. Soaking up whatever dwell time they were going to get. My family linked up with other families missing their soldier, ordering pizza and movies and making margaritas to pass the days more pleasantly. I swear there was one woman I knew from another place that I didn't see at all until after her husband left. Kind of funny, really.
I treasure my friends whose lives happen to be 180' off mine. They are great people. But sometimes I think we remind each other of the painful realities of this life. I can never be completely content that my husband is home, because my friend is aching with loneliness. As I celebrate the approach of EML and (eventually) redeployment, another friend (whose husband's unit is quite literally replacing my husband's unit in Afghanistan) is watching the days slip away as her soldier's deployment date approaches.
I think part of the beauty and strength of the spouse community is this collective waiting. Even as we greet our soldiers, we have to push away the thoughts of next time. We are painful reminders to each other, but who doesn't tear up when they see the picture of a friend reuniting with their soldier?
I think this time, after my husband returns, I need to make sure I perform random acts of kindness for my deployed friends. Just little things, so they know they're not alone. After all, one year from now, we'll be in each other's shoes. And the merry-go-round spins on.
No comments:
Post a Comment