My husband has something of a background in psychology. His degree is in Human Factors Engineering, which teaches that I am absolutely correct when I think I should be able to work basic electronic devices without reading a manual as thick as the Bible. It has to do with human-machine interaction and how to make that flow as smoothly as possible. So along with classes in engineering and math, he took just enough psychology to be dangerous. He studied stuff like Learning and Sensation and Perception, and probably other things that I just don't recall. I used to get fairly annoyed when he tried to apply his academia-based theories to my real-world chaos. I would tell him that a child did some such thing to make me mad, and he would tell me that I needed to evaluate why that was so upsetting to me and just let it go. ???? I thought I must have hit my head, because it sounded like my husband just told me to let my kid get away with something.
The best of all was when I told him that the kids were conspiring against me. It did not seem statistically possible to be summoned by a different child at NEARLY PERFECT 4 minute intervals. And then there would be the designated "bad kid" of the day. One child would dedicate all their time from wake-up to bedtime to yanking Mommy's chain, but it was never the same kid two days in a row. Tell me that is random, because it sure doesn't feel that way.
Needless to say, my observations were dismissed by my husband as sheer coincidence. I think that if there are people that think the Cubans, Communists and FBI killed Kennedy, then it is entirely possible that my kids are working together. It's a great plan really- only one kid draws fire, and the others get away with doing pretty much whatever they want because mom is busy trying to wash all that magic marker off the wall. It's not my paranoia, it is sheer genius on their part. If only I could prove it.
I did prove that they move my stuff around when I am not looking. Like everyone, I do, on occasion, leave my car keys, purse or other important item where it does not belong. About halfway through my husband's year long, all expenses paid trip to Iraq, I realized I spent more hours a day looking for stuff than I spent on anything else. Then, one day, I caught #2 in the act. As he walked through the kitchen, he picked up some (important) papers from the island, looked through them as he walked and placed them over by the computer. He about had a heart attack when I shouted "A-HA!" So, why can't I find anything? Because there are little people touching all of my stuff. Being a mother does not forfeit your right to stuff and the secure maintenance thereof. That is why it is perfectly acceptable to lose your religion when a child (say #4) goes into your bedroom, takes jewelry from your jewelry box and leaves it on the dining room floor.
A child's love for a mother is hard to understand sometimes. They show it in the most unusual ways.
There is something wired into a child's brain that Mom (and only Mom) is the answer to whatever troubles the child at that moment. Feel sick? Find Mom. Need a drink? Find Mom. Didn't put away your shoes and now you can't find them? Find Mom instead, because all that estrogen has given her the ability to know the precise location of EVERY SINGLE ITEM owned by every member of the family. Never mind that I have 5 single earrings that I am holding on to in case the mate reappears. I think one of the best stories I have heard that proves this point was from my dear friend and neighbor. Since her husband was at home, sitting in the living room and watching TV, she decided to go upstairs for a shower. One of their children came in the house, walked right past his father, up the stairs, into the Master bedroom, and knocked on the bathroom door to ask his mom for a drink. He just didn't think to ask his dad for one. It's funny because it happens all the time. I am also not the only mom who has considered changing my name and not telling the kids, so that they can't call endlessly for me.
Mom? Who's that? ;)
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