This is exceptionally hard to share. I only do so to offer support in the form of shared burdens with my fellow spouses and to give insight to those in the civilian world.
Time changes us all. So do deployments. The fun begins when we all try to catch back up.
Sometimes I feel like the past three years have not been real time, as normal people experience it. It's been some crazy, sped-up version, not unlike "dog years", but with really long days. I feel way more than 3 years older. I am about 5 years worth of tired.
Sometimes I am so busy living, that the simplest things evade me.
The other night, my kids said things that really made stop and think, and then decide to forge a path out of the mental and emotional wilderness I have been living in. #3 told me that when he was a dad, he was never going to yell at his kids. He was always going to talk to them in his nice voice. That hurt. What really knocked the wind out of me was later that night, when #4 said, "Mommy, you're smiling. Why? You don't usually do that."
This person- this irritable, stressed-out, sleep-deprived nutcase- is not me. Or wasn't, back when I knew me. Back before the war cut in. I loved my kids with every ounce of my being. They made me smile, almost all the time. Except maybe when they left legos on the living room floor (those really hurt). I was very laid back and just relaxed and enjoyed life. I loved to take my kids on road trips and see whatever we lived near. We'd sing silly songs and dance silly dances. I liked that woman.
How sad then, that when I looked in the mirror the other night after putting my kids in bed, I saw little sign of her left. How much sadder for my two oldest, who have watched their mother change right before their eyes, from the woman I was to this stranger with my face. My smile overshadowed by dark circles and worry lines, my laughter and jokes replaced by cynicism and weariness. And then my youngest ones, who never knew that other mom.
So that's it. These last years of deployment and dwell time (when his job ate his life and he was rarely home for bedtime) are not going to win. I am taking myself back. The grouchy bitch is hitting the road, and is not invited back. Ever.
Yesterday I did great. I was positive all day, focused on keeping a smile on my face. This afternoon shook me a bit. #1 came home with a C+ on his end of grading period math exam. They were all careless errors- he had an A average going into this test (which makes it worse in my book). And I almost started crying when I walked in to the basement before bedtime, and saw all the toys I had just put away back out on the floor. My back is a wreck (a combo of stress and carrying 23 lb #6 around), and I just couldn't even think about all that bending over again. My kids came to my rescue- with hugs and a fast cleanup. Then #3 came to read me a story.
They deserve a happy mom. I deserve to be a happy mom. Time to dig deeper. Pray. Stay balanced. Try to go to bed earlier (ha!). I am going to eat better and exercise more, and seriously think about cutting back on coffee and tea. That might have to wait until warmer weather returns, though.
We are gradually gaining on the halfway mark of this deployment. R&R is only 2 calendar pages away. I need to focus, so that my family will thrive, not just scrape by. I need to have something positive here for my husband to come home to, because all this time later, he might be someone else too.
09 November 2010
08 November 2010
If the Army wanted him to have a wife, they would've issued him one.
That's a bit harsh. But it feels true at times.
In this crazy Army life, I have chosen to be the parent at home. I am the stability in an otherwise unstable existence. I feel great satisfaction that I am able to lessen the stresses borne by my children, whether by dreaming up an elaborate travel plan that makes our move feel more like a vacation, or shielding them from the reality of what their dad is doing now and might go do next. But, as most stay at home parents know, something's got to give. And it's usually us.
As I approach one of the "milestone" birthdays, I think more and more about what happens to me next. We have only a few years left before we can retire. Our children are gradually entering school. What am I going to do with myself when there are no more deployments to endure or moves to plan? Do I try to do a little something now, to position myself better for whatever it is that I might want to do later? Or with all the specifics I am lacking, maybe I need to sit and catch my breath for a spell?
I think the military life makes it exceptionally difficult for spouses to have dreams that are anything more than that. I know we have all heard about studying "portable" things, like nursing (ick!), dental hygienist (ICK!!), teacher, etc. But even that is no guarantee of success. Legally, employers cannot ask, but one doesn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to pick out the resume that belongs to a military spouse. And not many places want to hire a person who could leave at a moment's (or 90 days) notice. Some of my friends have even experienced being shut out of employment opportunities, because they aren't really "from" that town, and the non-military business owners look out for the other civilians in the area. Naturally, this leads to fierce competition for positions on post or with those who will hire military spouses.
So what do we do, besides try to adhere to the Army spouse motto, "Semper Gumby"?
This is where spousal communication and a whole lot of patience come into play. My husband and I often discuss our evolving life plans and goals. When he looks at assignments, he really does try to find places that have an opportunity for me to achieve some of my personal goals. That has been tough these last few years, as kid #3 through kid #6 are all fairly close together. But we are still talking about the day when the planets align and the kids are in school and I can do.....something. Provided, of course, that we live somewhere that has something for me to do. I would love to finally get a Masters or PhD, but preparing to take a GRE when you don't even know what state you could be living in is, well, challenging. As is trying to refresh and supplement your education with the limited options around some posts.
The Army has finally recognized the lack of real career options for spouses is a retention liability. When we started out (waaaaay back in the day ;) ), it hadn't really occurred to the powers that be that it was an issue. Honestly, one can't expect a soldier to live in the middle of nowhere for years on end, and have nothing for his (or her!) spouse to do to pursue their goals while they support their soldier. That will end in divorce or ETS. Especially now, when so many of us have at least some college and likely had careers before swooning over some cutie in Dress Blues. My CAA was a good effort, but somehow went awry. We need to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow spouses, to make sure we aren't forgotten. When one is dealing with the Army or DoD, the squeaky wheel really does gets the grease.
Issued or not, we are here. And our dreams matter too.
In this crazy Army life, I have chosen to be the parent at home. I am the stability in an otherwise unstable existence. I feel great satisfaction that I am able to lessen the stresses borne by my children, whether by dreaming up an elaborate travel plan that makes our move feel more like a vacation, or shielding them from the reality of what their dad is doing now and might go do next. But, as most stay at home parents know, something's got to give. And it's usually us.
As I approach one of the "milestone" birthdays, I think more and more about what happens to me next. We have only a few years left before we can retire. Our children are gradually entering school. What am I going to do with myself when there are no more deployments to endure or moves to plan? Do I try to do a little something now, to position myself better for whatever it is that I might want to do later? Or with all the specifics I am lacking, maybe I need to sit and catch my breath for a spell?
I think the military life makes it exceptionally difficult for spouses to have dreams that are anything more than that. I know we have all heard about studying "portable" things, like nursing (ick!), dental hygienist (ICK!!), teacher, etc. But even that is no guarantee of success. Legally, employers cannot ask, but one doesn't need to be Sherlock Holmes to pick out the resume that belongs to a military spouse. And not many places want to hire a person who could leave at a moment's (or 90 days) notice. Some of my friends have even experienced being shut out of employment opportunities, because they aren't really "from" that town, and the non-military business owners look out for the other civilians in the area. Naturally, this leads to fierce competition for positions on post or with those who will hire military spouses.
So what do we do, besides try to adhere to the Army spouse motto, "Semper Gumby"?
This is where spousal communication and a whole lot of patience come into play. My husband and I often discuss our evolving life plans and goals. When he looks at assignments, he really does try to find places that have an opportunity for me to achieve some of my personal goals. That has been tough these last few years, as kid #3 through kid #6 are all fairly close together. But we are still talking about the day when the planets align and the kids are in school and I can do.....something. Provided, of course, that we live somewhere that has something for me to do. I would love to finally get a Masters or PhD, but preparing to take a GRE when you don't even know what state you could be living in is, well, challenging. As is trying to refresh and supplement your education with the limited options around some posts.
The Army has finally recognized the lack of real career options for spouses is a retention liability. When we started out (waaaaay back in the day ;) ), it hadn't really occurred to the powers that be that it was an issue. Honestly, one can't expect a soldier to live in the middle of nowhere for years on end, and have nothing for his (or her!) spouse to do to pursue their goals while they support their soldier. That will end in divorce or ETS. Especially now, when so many of us have at least some college and likely had careers before swooning over some cutie in Dress Blues. My CAA was a good effort, but somehow went awry. We need to continue to advocate for ourselves and our fellow spouses, to make sure we aren't forgotten. When one is dealing with the Army or DoD, the squeaky wheel really does gets the grease.
Issued or not, we are here. And our dreams matter too.
04 November 2010
Many hands make light work, but only if you can find more hands Part 2
"We came from a small, small town and three fellows in my town that were 4F committed suicide."
from Band of Brothers, a soldier discusses the shame felt by some who could not fight in WWII
I don't plan on blathering on about "the Greatest Generation". But it is an interesting foil for the present.
When I lived in Florida, I had a conversation with another mom that I have never been able to get out of my mind. We were discussing vocations (people becoming priests and nuns, for those non-Catholics in the crowd) and I said I would fully support my son if he wanted to become a priest. This mom looked at me incredulously and said she would be very upset about her kids pursuing a vocation and would try to dissuade them. She wanted them both to "get married, have high-paying jobs and have some grandkids for me." I was totally floored. She had been Catholic all her life and just told me she would do whatever she could to change their minds. Where exactly did this woman think future priests and nuns would come from? I also thought it was telling that she mentioned jobs and money. Some callings are just that, and they pay poorly. I am guessing artist, musician or dancer would not be authorized careers either, as they tend to not be high-paying.
It is the same attitude that keeps kids from considering the Armed Forces.
Yes, it is a challenging path. But for some people it is an incredible opportunity to truly affect change in this crazy world. Within hours of Haiti's earthquake, military units were alerted and prepped to go. My friend was sent to Honduras after that huge hurricane nearly washed it away in 98. My unit was alerted to possibly go to the Carolinas when a storm was aimed right for the coast. Another friend's college graduation was cancelled because the Red River flooded Grand Forks, and her NG unit was there helping. Those aren't even the big things.
"We can do no great things, just small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The notion of sacrifice as a good has nearly vanished from our society. It is in our flawed human nature to avoid pain and hardship. We forget that it is all part of the path of life. We too often divorce if sustaining a marriage becomes challenging or uninteresting. We too often mock mothers who leave careers for their family. Members of that thin camo line, those who protect us from people who would murder us in our cities, are written off as too foolish to attend college- kids who didn't study and instead got "stuck in Iraq".
I was an AIT (training unit where soldiers learn their jobs) company commander a million years ago (approx :) ). I will tell you that I had plenty of smart kids that chose supply as their job. Some kids had some college under their belts. I also had kids who saw the Army as their lifeline. Like the kid with the oldest eyes I have ever seen on an 18 year old, he told me he went to a recruiter's office the day after his best friend was killed by a rival gang. He told me he knew if he didn't get out of there, he would never make anything of himself and would end up as a chalk outline too. But I also saw the wave come in after 9/11. Kids who watched it happen on TV and swore that they were going to be part of the solution. These kids didn't want any more planes killing thousands more office workers. They were inspiring.
Where did they get that idea? From their family and community. People who talked about things like Duty, Honor, and Selfless Service. People who taught them that they are a small part of a greater community, and that they need to contribute to the greater good and sometimes it means you hoe a tougher row.
WE, the people. the parents, need to teach our children and model to our neighbors that the valiant sacrifices our servicemen make are worth more than any fancy house or boat or high-brow career. Without our servicemen and women, our freedoms would be greatly diminished and our prosperity would vanish.
The trends for enlistment follow regional lines. Texas (pop:24.7 million) had 10,000 people enlist for the Regular Army according to USAREC for the most recent year available, California (36.9 million) had only 8000. Texas' economy is doing just fine, by the way, so the line about "there are no jobs where they come from" doesn't necessarily apply. Georgia (9.8 mil) had more kids enlist than New York (19.5 mil), with NC (9.4 mil) right behind them.
So what does this mean for the draft, which is where I originally started?
We need to educate people and reach out. I think more people would volunteer if the notion of service wasn't so foreign to them. I also think that the only way our nation will be jolted off of its increasingly widening backside is when our enemies get lucky. So many people work so hard everyday to try to stop them, but our enemies, the same people who think blowing up discos in Israel is a good idea, aren't going to give up anytime soon. And they only have to get lucky once. That package bomb they found in France was 17 minutes away from detonation. It has taken me longer than that to write this blog entry.
I worry about our nation. Cultures this complacent tend to fade away. Maybe it is the way that they teach "social studies" these days, but we, America, we conquered this land. It was hard and hostile and a lot of people died to fulfill what was then called our "Manifest Destiny". How is it that Lewis and Clark could blaze a trail to the West, but our young people today live only for their creature comforts and Dancing with the Stars? I am hopeful, but not confident. Can you draft a nation that has forgotten its warrior spirit?
I don't know that a draft at this point in time would serve the nation or our services well. I think it would weaken our Army despite the increase in manpower. I would love to hear your rebuttals, because I am not set in stone on this. It is a huge thing to sort out.
from Band of Brothers, a soldier discusses the shame felt by some who could not fight in WWII
I don't plan on blathering on about "the Greatest Generation". But it is an interesting foil for the present.
When I lived in Florida, I had a conversation with another mom that I have never been able to get out of my mind. We were discussing vocations (people becoming priests and nuns, for those non-Catholics in the crowd) and I said I would fully support my son if he wanted to become a priest. This mom looked at me incredulously and said she would be very upset about her kids pursuing a vocation and would try to dissuade them. She wanted them both to "get married, have high-paying jobs and have some grandkids for me." I was totally floored. She had been Catholic all her life and just told me she would do whatever she could to change their minds. Where exactly did this woman think future priests and nuns would come from? I also thought it was telling that she mentioned jobs and money. Some callings are just that, and they pay poorly. I am guessing artist, musician or dancer would not be authorized careers either, as they tend to not be high-paying.
It is the same attitude that keeps kids from considering the Armed Forces.
Yes, it is a challenging path. But for some people it is an incredible opportunity to truly affect change in this crazy world. Within hours of Haiti's earthquake, military units were alerted and prepped to go. My friend was sent to Honduras after that huge hurricane nearly washed it away in 98. My unit was alerted to possibly go to the Carolinas when a storm was aimed right for the coast. Another friend's college graduation was cancelled because the Red River flooded Grand Forks, and her NG unit was there helping. Those aren't even the big things.
"We can do no great things, just small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The notion of sacrifice as a good has nearly vanished from our society. It is in our flawed human nature to avoid pain and hardship. We forget that it is all part of the path of life. We too often divorce if sustaining a marriage becomes challenging or uninteresting. We too often mock mothers who leave careers for their family. Members of that thin camo line, those who protect us from people who would murder us in our cities, are written off as too foolish to attend college- kids who didn't study and instead got "stuck in Iraq".
I was an AIT (training unit where soldiers learn their jobs) company commander a million years ago (approx :) ). I will tell you that I had plenty of smart kids that chose supply as their job. Some kids had some college under their belts. I also had kids who saw the Army as their lifeline. Like the kid with the oldest eyes I have ever seen on an 18 year old, he told me he went to a recruiter's office the day after his best friend was killed by a rival gang. He told me he knew if he didn't get out of there, he would never make anything of himself and would end up as a chalk outline too. But I also saw the wave come in after 9/11. Kids who watched it happen on TV and swore that they were going to be part of the solution. These kids didn't want any more planes killing thousands more office workers. They were inspiring.
Where did they get that idea? From their family and community. People who talked about things like Duty, Honor, and Selfless Service. People who taught them that they are a small part of a greater community, and that they need to contribute to the greater good and sometimes it means you hoe a tougher row.
WE, the people. the parents, need to teach our children and model to our neighbors that the valiant sacrifices our servicemen make are worth more than any fancy house or boat or high-brow career. Without our servicemen and women, our freedoms would be greatly diminished and our prosperity would vanish.
The trends for enlistment follow regional lines. Texas (pop:24.7 million) had 10,000 people enlist for the Regular Army according to USAREC for the most recent year available, California (36.9 million) had only 8000. Texas' economy is doing just fine, by the way, so the line about "there are no jobs where they come from" doesn't necessarily apply. Georgia (9.8 mil) had more kids enlist than New York (19.5 mil), with NC (9.4 mil) right behind them.
So what does this mean for the draft, which is where I originally started?
We need to educate people and reach out. I think more people would volunteer if the notion of service wasn't so foreign to them. I also think that the only way our nation will be jolted off of its increasingly widening backside is when our enemies get lucky. So many people work so hard everyday to try to stop them, but our enemies, the same people who think blowing up discos in Israel is a good idea, aren't going to give up anytime soon. And they only have to get lucky once. That package bomb they found in France was 17 minutes away from detonation. It has taken me longer than that to write this blog entry.
I worry about our nation. Cultures this complacent tend to fade away. Maybe it is the way that they teach "social studies" these days, but we, America, we conquered this land. It was hard and hostile and a lot of people died to fulfill what was then called our "Manifest Destiny". How is it that Lewis and Clark could blaze a trail to the West, but our young people today live only for their creature comforts and Dancing with the Stars? I am hopeful, but not confident. Can you draft a nation that has forgotten its warrior spirit?
I don't know that a draft at this point in time would serve the nation or our services well. I think it would weaken our Army despite the increase in manpower. I would love to hear your rebuttals, because I am not set in stone on this. It is a huge thing to sort out.
Many hands make light work, but only if you can find more hands Part 1
Several people, including a few good friends, have mentioned to me that they think a draft should be implemented. I think this is a very important question, and I have been thinking about it and researching it over the last several days. Honestly, there are people with PhDs researching motivation behind enlistment and running statistical models on this kind of stuff, so this will be a poor contribution in comparison. I think as a military wife who sees first hand what the "Long War" is doing to our families and soldiers, this deserved some thought. I hope it spurs you, dear reader, to thought as well.
The status quo is unsustainable.
There are about 1.4 million people serving on active duty. The census site puts our population at 307 million. That does include people too old and too young too serve, but that is an amazing ratio to me.
Some service members are on their 5th deployment. There are still some soldiers who have not yet deployed, but I think the Army is finally catching up with them.
Is a draft the answer? For the record, the Army is meeting enlistment and retention goals currently.
The draft was ended in 1973, though males are still required to register with Selective Service. The draft started during the Civil War, where men (age range differed in North and South) were required to serve in the Army for 2 years. There were riots in New York over the draft. The wealthy could send someone else in their place or pay $300 in lieu of service. During Vietnam, people could get deferments for college and other reasons, or join the Natl Guard. The poorest often didn't meet the intake requirements (low aptitude, criminal records, etc), leaving the middle class to bear the brunt of the draft. These days, parents who want their kids to go to college will be FURIOUS if their little darling that they have been coddling for the past 17 years had to do something else for 2 years first. Though I could argue many college kids would benefit from a year or two in the military.
The Army has already said that it is harder to find suitable enlistees. The population is fatter. More kids are treated for asthma and psychological issues (ADHD, ODD, etc). High school dropouts aren't eligible. Some kids can't score well on the ASVAB. Would a draft truly improve our military? Or would we end up with kids with an attitude problem on the line next to my husband?
Israel is cited as a nation that has a successful mandatory service. Here is a link to follow for info on the IDF. Let me throw a hypothesis out to you. It works for Israel for a few reasons that do not apply to us.
Israel is a relatively young country (though the Nation of Israel in the biblical sense is very old). This is how it has always been. I think it would be very hard to implement over two hundred years later, barring a dire circumstance.
Israel is surrounded by nations that would like to see it wiped off the map. Every time Mahmoud Amhadinejad (President of Iran) opens his mouth, he makes sure "death to Israel" is worked into his speech. Car bombs have gone off in front of restaurants in Israel. Hezbollah was firing rockets into Israeli towns. Citizens will respond when their country is in need. Mercifully, we are not in that situation, although the Times Square bomber certainly gave it a shot.
I think our lack of servicemembers comes down to the self-centered culture that has spread like a cancer through our country. Our "public servants" consistently vote themselves pay raises. Teachers demand pay raises because their job is hard (true), though their benefits are legion and (in NJ) paid for entirely by the taxpayers.
Some where along the way, the notion of sacrifice became maligned.
More on that in a bit. Time to take #4 to ballet.
Need a read in the meantime? Try here for an interesting study on the military population, here for FAQ from Army's recruiting command, here for a paper from Strategic Studies Institute about the effect of deployments on adolescents, here for a story about re-enlistments and bonuses in certain fields.
The status quo is unsustainable.
There are about 1.4 million people serving on active duty. The census site puts our population at 307 million. That does include people too old and too young too serve, but that is an amazing ratio to me.
Some service members are on their 5th deployment. There are still some soldiers who have not yet deployed, but I think the Army is finally catching up with them.
Is a draft the answer? For the record, the Army is meeting enlistment and retention goals currently.
The draft was ended in 1973, though males are still required to register with Selective Service. The draft started during the Civil War, where men (age range differed in North and South) were required to serve in the Army for 2 years. There were riots in New York over the draft. The wealthy could send someone else in their place or pay $300 in lieu of service. During Vietnam, people could get deferments for college and other reasons, or join the Natl Guard. The poorest often didn't meet the intake requirements (low aptitude, criminal records, etc), leaving the middle class to bear the brunt of the draft. These days, parents who want their kids to go to college will be FURIOUS if their little darling that they have been coddling for the past 17 years had to do something else for 2 years first. Though I could argue many college kids would benefit from a year or two in the military.
The Army has already said that it is harder to find suitable enlistees. The population is fatter. More kids are treated for asthma and psychological issues (ADHD, ODD, etc). High school dropouts aren't eligible. Some kids can't score well on the ASVAB. Would a draft truly improve our military? Or would we end up with kids with an attitude problem on the line next to my husband?
Israel is cited as a nation that has a successful mandatory service. Here is a link to follow for info on the IDF. Let me throw a hypothesis out to you. It works for Israel for a few reasons that do not apply to us.
Israel is a relatively young country (though the Nation of Israel in the biblical sense is very old). This is how it has always been. I think it would be very hard to implement over two hundred years later, barring a dire circumstance.
Israel is surrounded by nations that would like to see it wiped off the map. Every time Mahmoud Amhadinejad (President of Iran) opens his mouth, he makes sure "death to Israel" is worked into his speech. Car bombs have gone off in front of restaurants in Israel. Hezbollah was firing rockets into Israeli towns. Citizens will respond when their country is in need. Mercifully, we are not in that situation, although the Times Square bomber certainly gave it a shot.
I think our lack of servicemembers comes down to the self-centered culture that has spread like a cancer through our country. Our "public servants" consistently vote themselves pay raises. Teachers demand pay raises because their job is hard (true), though their benefits are legion and (in NJ) paid for entirely by the taxpayers.
Some where along the way, the notion of sacrifice became maligned.
More on that in a bit. Time to take #4 to ballet.
Need a read in the meantime? Try here for an interesting study on the military population, here for FAQ from Army's recruiting command, here for a paper from Strategic Studies Institute about the effect of deployments on adolescents, here for a story about re-enlistments and bonuses in certain fields.
01 November 2010
Who were those kids?
Oh, the post-Halloween / post-sugar-rush crash. It's like the hangover after beating Navy.
Who were those tired and ill-tempered people I spent my entire day with?
Since my kids go to Catholic school, they had today off, which I initially thought was a great stroke of luck. I didn't have to be "the meanest mom ever, no matter how long you look" this year.
Nope. This year I could be "fun mom", and pretend I didn't see them cramming their mouths so full of gummy candies that I thought they might puke. You want to do one more street? Sure! Another cookie? Go ahead. Sleepover at your aunt's house? That's the best idea I've heard all day!
I went to bed late (because I foolishly drank a coke at 8:30pm) without a care in the world. I was reveling in the possibility of sleeping late, of not making lunches or doing school drop-off. And all was good in the world today, until about 10am. Then all the positive energy we had built up as a family vanished like a puff of smoke.
Fighting. Whining. Crying. (and that wasn't even the kids...jk!) He started it. No, I didn't. I'm going to hit him back. What do you mean now I can't come to Target?
Yep, right before I headed off to hit the 50% off post-Halloween sales, all hell broke lose.
But none of my children thought that he or she was behaving egregiously enough that they should have to miss my retail outing. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.
While at Target, I managed to get almost all of what I went for- which can be hard to do with 5 kids in tow. A-HA! You're thinking. She finally left one somewhere by accident. No, #3 decided he would rather stay home with Nanny and build his legos than go to Super Target with his sugar-crazed and sleep-deprived siblings. He is very wise for a six year old.
Today, I discovered an immutable law of retail.
The number of cash registers open is inversely proportional to the percentage of your children that are melting down.
Or for you math-letes:
Open lanes = 1/ (screaming kids/quiet kids x100%)
Everyone happy? All the lines are open.
Are you toting a hungry 3 yo, an exhausted 10 yo and an infant? Oh, so sorry. Only two cashiers showed up today....
At least school is back in session tomorrow since our school is not a polling place.
I will have to come up with a better strategy for Christmas vacation or that could be a very long two weeks! Maybe "sort-of mean mom" is the way to go.
Who were those tired and ill-tempered people I spent my entire day with?
Since my kids go to Catholic school, they had today off, which I initially thought was a great stroke of luck. I didn't have to be "the meanest mom ever, no matter how long you look" this year.
Nope. This year I could be "fun mom", and pretend I didn't see them cramming their mouths so full of gummy candies that I thought they might puke. You want to do one more street? Sure! Another cookie? Go ahead. Sleepover at your aunt's house? That's the best idea I've heard all day!
I went to bed late (because I foolishly drank a coke at 8:30pm) without a care in the world. I was reveling in the possibility of sleeping late, of not making lunches or doing school drop-off. And all was good in the world today, until about 10am. Then all the positive energy we had built up as a family vanished like a puff of smoke.
Fighting. Whining. Crying. (and that wasn't even the kids...jk!) He started it. No, I didn't. I'm going to hit him back. What do you mean now I can't come to Target?
Yep, right before I headed off to hit the 50% off post-Halloween sales, all hell broke lose.
But none of my children thought that he or she was behaving egregiously enough that they should have to miss my retail outing. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.
While at Target, I managed to get almost all of what I went for- which can be hard to do with 5 kids in tow. A-HA! You're thinking. She finally left one somewhere by accident. No, #3 decided he would rather stay home with Nanny and build his legos than go to Super Target with his sugar-crazed and sleep-deprived siblings. He is very wise for a six year old.
Today, I discovered an immutable law of retail.
The number of cash registers open is inversely proportional to the percentage of your children that are melting down.
Or for you math-letes:
Open lanes = 1/ (screaming kids/quiet kids x100%)
Everyone happy? All the lines are open.
Are you toting a hungry 3 yo, an exhausted 10 yo and an infant? Oh, so sorry. Only two cashiers showed up today....
At least school is back in session tomorrow since our school is not a polling place.
I will have to come up with a better strategy for Christmas vacation or that could be a very long two weeks! Maybe "sort-of mean mom" is the way to go.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)