"We came from a small, small town and three fellows in my town that were 4F committed suicide."
from Band of Brothers, a soldier discusses the shame felt by some who could not fight in WWII
I don't plan on blathering on about "the Greatest Generation". But it is an interesting foil for the present.
When I lived in Florida, I had a conversation with another mom that I have never been able to get out of my mind. We were discussing vocations (people becoming priests and nuns, for those non-Catholics in the crowd) and I said I would fully support my son if he wanted to become a priest. This mom looked at me incredulously and said she would be very upset about her kids pursuing a vocation and would try to dissuade them. She wanted them both to "get married, have high-paying jobs and have some grandkids for me." I was totally floored. She had been Catholic all her life and just told me she would do whatever she could to change their minds. Where exactly did this woman think future priests and nuns would come from? I also thought it was telling that she mentioned jobs and money. Some callings are just that, and they pay poorly. I am guessing artist, musician or dancer would not be authorized careers either, as they tend to not be high-paying.
It is the same attitude that keeps kids from considering the Armed Forces.
Yes, it is a challenging path. But for some people it is an incredible opportunity to truly affect change in this crazy world. Within hours of Haiti's earthquake, military units were alerted and prepped to go. My friend was sent to Honduras after that huge hurricane nearly washed it away in 98. My unit was alerted to possibly go to the Carolinas when a storm was aimed right for the coast. Another friend's college graduation was cancelled because the Red River flooded Grand Forks, and her NG unit was there helping. Those aren't even the big things.
"We can do no great things, just small things with great love." Blessed Mother Teresa of Calcutta
The notion of sacrifice as a good has nearly vanished from our society. It is in our flawed human nature to avoid pain and hardship. We forget that it is all part of the path of life. We too often divorce if sustaining a marriage becomes challenging or uninteresting. We too often mock mothers who leave careers for their family. Members of that thin camo line, those who protect us from people who would murder us in our cities, are written off as too foolish to attend college- kids who didn't study and instead got "stuck in Iraq".
I was an AIT (training unit where soldiers learn their jobs) company commander a million years ago (approx :) ). I will tell you that I had plenty of smart kids that chose supply as their job. Some kids had some college under their belts. I also had kids who saw the Army as their lifeline. Like the kid with the oldest eyes I have ever seen on an 18 year old, he told me he went to a recruiter's office the day after his best friend was killed by a rival gang. He told me he knew if he didn't get out of there, he would never make anything of himself and would end up as a chalk outline too. But I also saw the wave come in after 9/11. Kids who watched it happen on TV and swore that they were going to be part of the solution. These kids didn't want any more planes killing thousands more office workers. They were inspiring.
Where did they get that idea? From their family and community. People who talked about things like Duty, Honor, and Selfless Service. People who taught them that they are a small part of a greater community, and that they need to contribute to the greater good and sometimes it means you hoe a tougher row.
WE, the people. the parents, need to teach our children and model to our neighbors that the valiant sacrifices our servicemen make are worth more than any fancy house or boat or high-brow career. Without our servicemen and women, our freedoms would be greatly diminished and our prosperity would vanish.
The trends for enlistment follow regional lines. Texas (pop:24.7 million) had 10,000 people enlist for the Regular Army according to USAREC for the most recent year available, California (36.9 million) had only 8000. Texas' economy is doing just fine, by the way, so the line about "there are no jobs where they come from" doesn't necessarily apply. Georgia (9.8 mil) had more kids enlist than New York (19.5 mil), with NC (9.4 mil) right behind them.
So what does this mean for the draft, which is where I originally started?
We need to educate people and reach out. I think more people would volunteer if the notion of service wasn't so foreign to them. I also think that the only way our nation will be jolted off of its increasingly widening backside is when our enemies get lucky. So many people work so hard everyday to try to stop them, but our enemies, the same people who think blowing up discos in Israel is a good idea, aren't going to give up anytime soon. And they only have to get lucky once. That package bomb they found in France was 17 minutes away from detonation. It has taken me longer than that to write this blog entry.
I worry about our nation. Cultures this complacent tend to fade away. Maybe it is the way that they teach "social studies" these days, but we, America, we conquered this land. It was hard and hostile and a lot of people died to fulfill what was then called our "Manifest Destiny". How is it that Lewis and Clark could blaze a trail to the West, but our young people today live only for their creature comforts and Dancing with the Stars? I am hopeful, but not confident. Can you draft a nation that has forgotten its warrior spirit?
I don't know that a draft at this point in time would serve the nation or our services well. I think it would weaken our Army despite the increase in manpower. I would love to hear your rebuttals, because I am not set in stone on this. It is a huge thing to sort out.
04 November 2010
Many hands make light work, but only if you can find more hands Part 1
Several people, including a few good friends, have mentioned to me that they think a draft should be implemented. I think this is a very important question, and I have been thinking about it and researching it over the last several days. Honestly, there are people with PhDs researching motivation behind enlistment and running statistical models on this kind of stuff, so this will be a poor contribution in comparison. I think as a military wife who sees first hand what the "Long War" is doing to our families and soldiers, this deserved some thought. I hope it spurs you, dear reader, to thought as well.
The status quo is unsustainable.
There are about 1.4 million people serving on active duty. The census site puts our population at 307 million. That does include people too old and too young too serve, but that is an amazing ratio to me.
Some service members are on their 5th deployment. There are still some soldiers who have not yet deployed, but I think the Army is finally catching up with them.
Is a draft the answer? For the record, the Army is meeting enlistment and retention goals currently.
The draft was ended in 1973, though males are still required to register with Selective Service. The draft started during the Civil War, where men (age range differed in North and South) were required to serve in the Army for 2 years. There were riots in New York over the draft. The wealthy could send someone else in their place or pay $300 in lieu of service. During Vietnam, people could get deferments for college and other reasons, or join the Natl Guard. The poorest often didn't meet the intake requirements (low aptitude, criminal records, etc), leaving the middle class to bear the brunt of the draft. These days, parents who want their kids to go to college will be FURIOUS if their little darling that they have been coddling for the past 17 years had to do something else for 2 years first. Though I could argue many college kids would benefit from a year or two in the military.
The Army has already said that it is harder to find suitable enlistees. The population is fatter. More kids are treated for asthma and psychological issues (ADHD, ODD, etc). High school dropouts aren't eligible. Some kids can't score well on the ASVAB. Would a draft truly improve our military? Or would we end up with kids with an attitude problem on the line next to my husband?
Israel is cited as a nation that has a successful mandatory service. Here is a link to follow for info on the IDF. Let me throw a hypothesis out to you. It works for Israel for a few reasons that do not apply to us.
Israel is a relatively young country (though the Nation of Israel in the biblical sense is very old). This is how it has always been. I think it would be very hard to implement over two hundred years later, barring a dire circumstance.
Israel is surrounded by nations that would like to see it wiped off the map. Every time Mahmoud Amhadinejad (President of Iran) opens his mouth, he makes sure "death to Israel" is worked into his speech. Car bombs have gone off in front of restaurants in Israel. Hezbollah was firing rockets into Israeli towns. Citizens will respond when their country is in need. Mercifully, we are not in that situation, although the Times Square bomber certainly gave it a shot.
I think our lack of servicemembers comes down to the self-centered culture that has spread like a cancer through our country. Our "public servants" consistently vote themselves pay raises. Teachers demand pay raises because their job is hard (true), though their benefits are legion and (in NJ) paid for entirely by the taxpayers.
Some where along the way, the notion of sacrifice became maligned.
More on that in a bit. Time to take #4 to ballet.
Need a read in the meantime? Try here for an interesting study on the military population, here for FAQ from Army's recruiting command, here for a paper from Strategic Studies Institute about the effect of deployments on adolescents, here for a story about re-enlistments and bonuses in certain fields.
The status quo is unsustainable.
There are about 1.4 million people serving on active duty. The census site puts our population at 307 million. That does include people too old and too young too serve, but that is an amazing ratio to me.
Some service members are on their 5th deployment. There are still some soldiers who have not yet deployed, but I think the Army is finally catching up with them.
Is a draft the answer? For the record, the Army is meeting enlistment and retention goals currently.
The draft was ended in 1973, though males are still required to register with Selective Service. The draft started during the Civil War, where men (age range differed in North and South) were required to serve in the Army for 2 years. There were riots in New York over the draft. The wealthy could send someone else in their place or pay $300 in lieu of service. During Vietnam, people could get deferments for college and other reasons, or join the Natl Guard. The poorest often didn't meet the intake requirements (low aptitude, criminal records, etc), leaving the middle class to bear the brunt of the draft. These days, parents who want their kids to go to college will be FURIOUS if their little darling that they have been coddling for the past 17 years had to do something else for 2 years first. Though I could argue many college kids would benefit from a year or two in the military.
The Army has already said that it is harder to find suitable enlistees. The population is fatter. More kids are treated for asthma and psychological issues (ADHD, ODD, etc). High school dropouts aren't eligible. Some kids can't score well on the ASVAB. Would a draft truly improve our military? Or would we end up with kids with an attitude problem on the line next to my husband?
Israel is cited as a nation that has a successful mandatory service. Here is a link to follow for info on the IDF. Let me throw a hypothesis out to you. It works for Israel for a few reasons that do not apply to us.
Israel is a relatively young country (though the Nation of Israel in the biblical sense is very old). This is how it has always been. I think it would be very hard to implement over two hundred years later, barring a dire circumstance.
Israel is surrounded by nations that would like to see it wiped off the map. Every time Mahmoud Amhadinejad (President of Iran) opens his mouth, he makes sure "death to Israel" is worked into his speech. Car bombs have gone off in front of restaurants in Israel. Hezbollah was firing rockets into Israeli towns. Citizens will respond when their country is in need. Mercifully, we are not in that situation, although the Times Square bomber certainly gave it a shot.
I think our lack of servicemembers comes down to the self-centered culture that has spread like a cancer through our country. Our "public servants" consistently vote themselves pay raises. Teachers demand pay raises because their job is hard (true), though their benefits are legion and (in NJ) paid for entirely by the taxpayers.
Some where along the way, the notion of sacrifice became maligned.
More on that in a bit. Time to take #4 to ballet.
Need a read in the meantime? Try here for an interesting study on the military population, here for FAQ from Army's recruiting command, here for a paper from Strategic Studies Institute about the effect of deployments on adolescents, here for a story about re-enlistments and bonuses in certain fields.
01 November 2010
Who were those kids?
Oh, the post-Halloween / post-sugar-rush crash. It's like the hangover after beating Navy.
Who were those tired and ill-tempered people I spent my entire day with?
Since my kids go to Catholic school, they had today off, which I initially thought was a great stroke of luck. I didn't have to be "the meanest mom ever, no matter how long you look" this year.
Nope. This year I could be "fun mom", and pretend I didn't see them cramming their mouths so full of gummy candies that I thought they might puke. You want to do one more street? Sure! Another cookie? Go ahead. Sleepover at your aunt's house? That's the best idea I've heard all day!
I went to bed late (because I foolishly drank a coke at 8:30pm) without a care in the world. I was reveling in the possibility of sleeping late, of not making lunches or doing school drop-off. And all was good in the world today, until about 10am. Then all the positive energy we had built up as a family vanished like a puff of smoke.
Fighting. Whining. Crying. (and that wasn't even the kids...jk!) He started it. No, I didn't. I'm going to hit him back. What do you mean now I can't come to Target?
Yep, right before I headed off to hit the 50% off post-Halloween sales, all hell broke lose.
But none of my children thought that he or she was behaving egregiously enough that they should have to miss my retail outing. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.
While at Target, I managed to get almost all of what I went for- which can be hard to do with 5 kids in tow. A-HA! You're thinking. She finally left one somewhere by accident. No, #3 decided he would rather stay home with Nanny and build his legos than go to Super Target with his sugar-crazed and sleep-deprived siblings. He is very wise for a six year old.
Today, I discovered an immutable law of retail.
The number of cash registers open is inversely proportional to the percentage of your children that are melting down.
Or for you math-letes:
Open lanes = 1/ (screaming kids/quiet kids x100%)
Everyone happy? All the lines are open.
Are you toting a hungry 3 yo, an exhausted 10 yo and an infant? Oh, so sorry. Only two cashiers showed up today....
At least school is back in session tomorrow since our school is not a polling place.
I will have to come up with a better strategy for Christmas vacation or that could be a very long two weeks! Maybe "sort-of mean mom" is the way to go.
Who were those tired and ill-tempered people I spent my entire day with?
Since my kids go to Catholic school, they had today off, which I initially thought was a great stroke of luck. I didn't have to be "the meanest mom ever, no matter how long you look" this year.
Nope. This year I could be "fun mom", and pretend I didn't see them cramming their mouths so full of gummy candies that I thought they might puke. You want to do one more street? Sure! Another cookie? Go ahead. Sleepover at your aunt's house? That's the best idea I've heard all day!
I went to bed late (because I foolishly drank a coke at 8:30pm) without a care in the world. I was reveling in the possibility of sleeping late, of not making lunches or doing school drop-off. And all was good in the world today, until about 10am. Then all the positive energy we had built up as a family vanished like a puff of smoke.
Fighting. Whining. Crying. (and that wasn't even the kids...jk!) He started it. No, I didn't. I'm going to hit him back. What do you mean now I can't come to Target?
Yep, right before I headed off to hit the 50% off post-Halloween sales, all hell broke lose.
But none of my children thought that he or she was behaving egregiously enough that they should have to miss my retail outing. I guess it is all a matter of perspective.
While at Target, I managed to get almost all of what I went for- which can be hard to do with 5 kids in tow. A-HA! You're thinking. She finally left one somewhere by accident. No, #3 decided he would rather stay home with Nanny and build his legos than go to Super Target with his sugar-crazed and sleep-deprived siblings. He is very wise for a six year old.
Today, I discovered an immutable law of retail.
The number of cash registers open is inversely proportional to the percentage of your children that are melting down.
Or for you math-letes:
Open lanes = 1/ (screaming kids/quiet kids x100%)
Everyone happy? All the lines are open.
Are you toting a hungry 3 yo, an exhausted 10 yo and an infant? Oh, so sorry. Only two cashiers showed up today....
At least school is back in session tomorrow since our school is not a polling place.
I will have to come up with a better strategy for Christmas vacation or that could be a very long two weeks! Maybe "sort-of mean mom" is the way to go.
29 October 2010
House of Cards
We have reached a critical point in our greater military family. My husband is Army, so that is what I base my thoughts on, but I hear similar things happening in our sister services.
We, the families, are stretched nearly to the breaking point, just as many of our soldiers are.
Many of us are focused on getting through today, and tomorrow will have to take care of itself.
This is HARD. For everyone.
It SUCKS. For everyone.
It breaks my heart to hear of Army wives forming a circular firing squad.
It makes me cry to hear about spouses who broke, and how social services got involved, because this time the loneliness and the stress was just too much.
I worry that we are all becoming so hardened by the long and repeated separations, that we have our eyes on the road right in front of our feet, so much so that we can't look left or right. I worry that so many of us are at our limit, that our emotional resources to support our fellow spouses are running low.
Women need to vent. Like a teapot that builds up steam and whistles, the stress and fatigue, frustration and loneliness reach a boiling point within us and it demands release. Hopefully we all have an ear that will just listen. Because most of our issues, let's face it, won't really be resolved. Even our soldier's return will not make things "normal" again. "Normal" is one of those elusive things that we are destined to chase as long as this war continues. My husband used to try to give me solutions to the things that were bothering me. But really I just wanted him to hear me, love me and say that it was okay to feel that way.
That is what we need to do for each other in our hours of need. Even if your own situation isn't a whole heck of a lot better.
I have six children, ranging in age from 12 to 8 mos. #6 was 3 mos old when my husband left. I have people struggling in school, struggling to make friends, bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, refusing to potty train, teething, and waking up throughout the night. Yes, it is challenging. Some days it even sucks. But this is my life, and I will do what I can to make the very best of it. Does this mean that if a mom with just one child is having a hard time that I will deny her the chance to release those pent up feelings? Absolutely not. Even if a spouse has no children, her struggles are just as valid as mine. I try not to complain to random people, because we all carry different crosses. My baby was only 3 months when my husband left. A friend of mine had her husband's deployment date jump forward, and her husband missed his daughter's birth. I will not complain about my 6 healthy (if overly exuberant) kids, because some people have kids with special needs, and their soldier is gone too. I am blessed to have certain friends I know I can call- to get stuff off my chest when that pressure reaches the boiling point.
We need to be there. To listen. Especially for the young families.
My husband has 17 years in. It gives me a thrill to say we have three years left and then we can call it day (or stay in, but it will be our decision). I had an awful lot of Army under my belt before the war on terror. Many young spouses are in a new community with all those "new spouse" issues, most likely away from home in some place they never heard of before (because does anyone really know where Clarksville, TN is, besides military folk?). And then they have to learn to deal with deployment too. I feel responsible as a "senior spouse" (God, that makes me feel old) to do what I can to ease their path.
When my husband joined the unit with which he is deployed, I ran across a very interesting situation. There were NO senior spouses. There were lots of single people and geographical bachelors, and a dual military couple, just for some variety. The wives of the senior people in the brigade had decided to live wherever they were (not near our post) and let their soldiers prep for deploying and deploy without adding the stress of relocation to their family. I will not say if that is right or wrong, because it is not my marriage. I cannot say what I would do until a particular situation presents itself, and maybe I would let my husband go on without me in some instances. But it is indicative of the state of our Army. We are exhausted. Many of us are hanging on by the tips of our fingernails. We are doing the best we can to preserve some level of sanity for ourselves and our children. But we also weaken the bonds of the Army community at large by refusing to participate.
Our military community these days feels very much like a house of cards. Exhaustion, depression, divorce, and reintegration that never gets completed have taken their toll. The fact that there is a huge wait to get into counseling services tells a story too. We want to be strong, to hang in. But, like cards, we can't stand alone. We need to lean and be leaned on. Give when you can, take when you need to.
I was blessed to have fabulous neighbors and friends when my husband was in Iraq. During the deployment, someone brought home a norovirus. #5 got sick first. She was one year old. Two days later, the rest of us became horribly ill. I was so sick, I couldn't even take care of my kids. My friend, who had two kids (11 and 9) and a deployed husband, spent the night at my house, nursing my sick kids when I couldn't. When I was finally back on my feet and thanked her profusely, she said that when her husband was gone and her kids were small, she had a neighbor that was always helping her out. When she told the neighbor she felt badly that she couldn't do anything in return, the neighbor said that one day she would be able to do it for someone else. That now she had to take, but later, she would be able to give to someone else. I cannot overstate how grateful I am to that particular friend.
Try to listen to that spouse who whines a lot. Maybe you can share a little wisdom and open her eyes to the fact that she is one of many bearing a great burden. Maybe the only thing you have to give is some cookies or a recommendation for a dentist that she was looking for. If today is that day that has you dreaming of running off to a tropical island, well, then tend to yourself. Turn to those who support you.
It is so challenging, because we are all threadbare. But we need to stand together with and for each other.
If we do not, then who will?
We, the families, are stretched nearly to the breaking point, just as many of our soldiers are.
Many of us are focused on getting through today, and tomorrow will have to take care of itself.
This is HARD. For everyone.
It SUCKS. For everyone.
It breaks my heart to hear of Army wives forming a circular firing squad.
It makes me cry to hear about spouses who broke, and how social services got involved, because this time the loneliness and the stress was just too much.
I worry that we are all becoming so hardened by the long and repeated separations, that we have our eyes on the road right in front of our feet, so much so that we can't look left or right. I worry that so many of us are at our limit, that our emotional resources to support our fellow spouses are running low.
Women need to vent. Like a teapot that builds up steam and whistles, the stress and fatigue, frustration and loneliness reach a boiling point within us and it demands release. Hopefully we all have an ear that will just listen. Because most of our issues, let's face it, won't really be resolved. Even our soldier's return will not make things "normal" again. "Normal" is one of those elusive things that we are destined to chase as long as this war continues. My husband used to try to give me solutions to the things that were bothering me. But really I just wanted him to hear me, love me and say that it was okay to feel that way.
That is what we need to do for each other in our hours of need. Even if your own situation isn't a whole heck of a lot better.
I have six children, ranging in age from 12 to 8 mos. #6 was 3 mos old when my husband left. I have people struggling in school, struggling to make friends, bed-wetting, thumb-sucking, refusing to potty train, teething, and waking up throughout the night. Yes, it is challenging. Some days it even sucks. But this is my life, and I will do what I can to make the very best of it. Does this mean that if a mom with just one child is having a hard time that I will deny her the chance to release those pent up feelings? Absolutely not. Even if a spouse has no children, her struggles are just as valid as mine. I try not to complain to random people, because we all carry different crosses. My baby was only 3 months when my husband left. A friend of mine had her husband's deployment date jump forward, and her husband missed his daughter's birth. I will not complain about my 6 healthy (if overly exuberant) kids, because some people have kids with special needs, and their soldier is gone too. I am blessed to have certain friends I know I can call- to get stuff off my chest when that pressure reaches the boiling point.
We need to be there. To listen. Especially for the young families.
My husband has 17 years in. It gives me a thrill to say we have three years left and then we can call it day (or stay in, but it will be our decision). I had an awful lot of Army under my belt before the war on terror. Many young spouses are in a new community with all those "new spouse" issues, most likely away from home in some place they never heard of before (because does anyone really know where Clarksville, TN is, besides military folk?). And then they have to learn to deal with deployment too. I feel responsible as a "senior spouse" (God, that makes me feel old) to do what I can to ease their path.
When my husband joined the unit with which he is deployed, I ran across a very interesting situation. There were NO senior spouses. There were lots of single people and geographical bachelors, and a dual military couple, just for some variety. The wives of the senior people in the brigade had decided to live wherever they were (not near our post) and let their soldiers prep for deploying and deploy without adding the stress of relocation to their family. I will not say if that is right or wrong, because it is not my marriage. I cannot say what I would do until a particular situation presents itself, and maybe I would let my husband go on without me in some instances. But it is indicative of the state of our Army. We are exhausted. Many of us are hanging on by the tips of our fingernails. We are doing the best we can to preserve some level of sanity for ourselves and our children. But we also weaken the bonds of the Army community at large by refusing to participate.
Our military community these days feels very much like a house of cards. Exhaustion, depression, divorce, and reintegration that never gets completed have taken their toll. The fact that there is a huge wait to get into counseling services tells a story too. We want to be strong, to hang in. But, like cards, we can't stand alone. We need to lean and be leaned on. Give when you can, take when you need to.
I was blessed to have fabulous neighbors and friends when my husband was in Iraq. During the deployment, someone brought home a norovirus. #5 got sick first. She was one year old. Two days later, the rest of us became horribly ill. I was so sick, I couldn't even take care of my kids. My friend, who had two kids (11 and 9) and a deployed husband, spent the night at my house, nursing my sick kids when I couldn't. When I was finally back on my feet and thanked her profusely, she said that when her husband was gone and her kids were small, she had a neighbor that was always helping her out. When she told the neighbor she felt badly that she couldn't do anything in return, the neighbor said that one day she would be able to do it for someone else. That now she had to take, but later, she would be able to give to someone else. I cannot overstate how grateful I am to that particular friend.
Try to listen to that spouse who whines a lot. Maybe you can share a little wisdom and open her eyes to the fact that she is one of many bearing a great burden. Maybe the only thing you have to give is some cookies or a recommendation for a dentist that she was looking for. If today is that day that has you dreaming of running off to a tropical island, well, then tend to yourself. Turn to those who support you.
It is so challenging, because we are all threadbare. But we need to stand together with and for each other.
If we do not, then who will?
27 October 2010
I don't know how I do it either.
"I just don't know how you do it"
I am fairly certain it is meant as a compliment. But if you want to know the truth, I am standing there thinking," BOY! Have I got you fooled!" It just goes to show that a well-coordinated outfit and cute shoes make everyone believe you have your life in order.
I really believe that you get what you can handle plus a little bit, just to stretch you and help you grow. There are some days that I don't particularly enjoy the stretching and growing. Those are the days when I fantasize about the NYC apartment I could be sharing with 2 cats. Cats that would let me take a shower and have a phone conversation without interrupting me for drinks, snacks, or technical assistance with the TV. Luckily for my kids, they are pretty cute and entertaining to boot. So I continue my attempts to block off enough time to shower and live in a house in the 'burbs.
I read an interesting article about the gaping chasm between civilians and military servicemen. The writer briefly touched on families- how a lot of us live on the installation, behind fences and razor wire and with armed guards at the gates. Talk about "gated communities". While I don't think that anyone would argue that military service, especially during war, changes a person, I think the author missed a great opportunity to tell the stories of those who *must* straddle the chasm. We, the military families.
News flash- I AM a civilian. I do not fully comprehend what combat is like or how one can live on a FOB near Fallujah, or trying to sleep while the sirens wail, warning of incoming rockets. My six years of service didn't involve a deployment; I was leaving the Army as we prepped to invade Iraq. But military spouses are intimately affected by the gap- it is bed with them every night, especially when their soldier is not.
We can't completely understand our soldiers' experiences. All we can do is love them and hope that it is enough. But we don't belong to the civilian world either. I can't imagine ever complaining about my husband working late 3 nights in a row (only 3?) or being gone 1 weekend for a business trip. But these are real hurdles for civilian families, because they are used to a level of togetherness that many (especially younger) Army couples have never even experienced.
How many brides-to-be would take that stroll down the aisle fully aware that her betrothed will leave for Afghanistan 3 weeks after the wedding, and that there isn't enough time for them to take a "real" honeymoon? I know one such courageous woman. I don't know how she does it.
How does one hold on, when one has been married 6 years and has two children, but never lived with one's husband more than 12 consecutive months (which doesn't count the time he was gone for training during those 12 months) because he is on his third deployment? I know a woman like that too. I don't know how she does it.
I guess the answer is that we, the military spouses, only belong to each other. We reside on some little spit of land between civilian and military, where we take care of each other the very best that we can.
How do any of us do it? Together, or not at all.
I am fairly certain it is meant as a compliment. But if you want to know the truth, I am standing there thinking," BOY! Have I got you fooled!" It just goes to show that a well-coordinated outfit and cute shoes make everyone believe you have your life in order.
I really believe that you get what you can handle plus a little bit, just to stretch you and help you grow. There are some days that I don't particularly enjoy the stretching and growing. Those are the days when I fantasize about the NYC apartment I could be sharing with 2 cats. Cats that would let me take a shower and have a phone conversation without interrupting me for drinks, snacks, or technical assistance with the TV. Luckily for my kids, they are pretty cute and entertaining to boot. So I continue my attempts to block off enough time to shower and live in a house in the 'burbs.
I read an interesting article about the gaping chasm between civilians and military servicemen. The writer briefly touched on families- how a lot of us live on the installation, behind fences and razor wire and with armed guards at the gates. Talk about "gated communities". While I don't think that anyone would argue that military service, especially during war, changes a person, I think the author missed a great opportunity to tell the stories of those who *must* straddle the chasm. We, the military families.
News flash- I AM a civilian. I do not fully comprehend what combat is like or how one can live on a FOB near Fallujah, or trying to sleep while the sirens wail, warning of incoming rockets. My six years of service didn't involve a deployment; I was leaving the Army as we prepped to invade Iraq. But military spouses are intimately affected by the gap- it is bed with them every night, especially when their soldier is not.
We can't completely understand our soldiers' experiences. All we can do is love them and hope that it is enough. But we don't belong to the civilian world either. I can't imagine ever complaining about my husband working late 3 nights in a row (only 3?) or being gone 1 weekend for a business trip. But these are real hurdles for civilian families, because they are used to a level of togetherness that many (especially younger) Army couples have never even experienced.
How many brides-to-be would take that stroll down the aisle fully aware that her betrothed will leave for Afghanistan 3 weeks after the wedding, and that there isn't enough time for them to take a "real" honeymoon? I know one such courageous woman. I don't know how she does it.
How does one hold on, when one has been married 6 years and has two children, but never lived with one's husband more than 12 consecutive months (which doesn't count the time he was gone for training during those 12 months) because he is on his third deployment? I know a woman like that too. I don't know how she does it.
I guess the answer is that we, the military spouses, only belong to each other. We reside on some little spit of land between civilian and military, where we take care of each other the very best that we can.
How do any of us do it? Together, or not at all.
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