Why is that the week I am already stressed about #1's exam schedule that the Cub Scouts decide they want to meet THREE times and the Boy Scouts TWICE? Obviously they don't understand that I am 8 months into a deployment and am pretty much over everything.
This is the flaw in living in a civilian community during a deployment. The Pack we belonged to in Texas would NEVER try to do something like that to the moms. Mostly because the moms would be running the pack because everyone's husband would be gone. And we'd just say no.
But honestly, I feel it is a bit presumptuous of any family's schedule. Like "Hey, since all you have to do with your evenings is drive this one kid to scout events, we will have THREE this week." Anyone else have more than one kid? How about homework? Anyone else's kids get homework?
I have 2 kids in scouts, a kid in ballet and a baby that would like to play at home with her toys instead of being forced to sit in my lap at endless other activities. One kid is also in counseling, which needs to happen every week. Then there are the two kids at home someone needs to watch while I drag my other kids all over God's green earth. Or they get to come along for the ride.
When #1 mentions playing sports, I start to feel light-headed. When am I going to cram that into my schedule? Would it be mean to tell him I just can't handle one more event in the hours between 3 and 8:30pm? When the heck would we cook/eat dinner?
Touch of irony for you- I am home ALL DAY. But those hours are relatively calm (considering I have a 3 and a 1 year old home with me). It makes me think that when I go back to work, I will spend all my non-working hours in my vehicle, ferrying children to all their activities.
Hopefully we don't have many more weeks like this one. It's insanity, people. And I know I am not the only person who can see it.
16 February 2011
15 February 2011
With all this manure, there must be a pony around here somewhere
I think I hate school more than my kids. Hard to believe, but it's true.
I resent how much work they assign and that most of it requires parental help. I also wish they would take their "reasonable" amount of homework, multiply it by 3 kids and divide by one parent. If I wanted to teach my kids myself, I'd go back to homeschooling and would use the tuition savings to take an awesome vacation with my husband. See, I want the TEACHER to teach them now. Thanks.
I wish I could just hate school and ignore it, like #1. But, because I am an overachiever and a mom, I know it important to have good grades no matter what asinine topics they are covering. How am I going to explain his transcript to another school? Between the subjects and his grades, oy vey.
It is exam week for #1 and he is taking 3 tests on Thursday. He is going into one of them with a 55. Yup. The other two sunjects are passing grades, but far from stellar. But he wants to go to his scout meeting Wed night because there is a campout this weekend. It was an "Are you JOKING???" moment. Sometimes I think Catholic school is wasted on him, or at least the academics are. But I think if I put him in public school, he'd make friends with the other kids who don't like school and probably never graduate.
I am reading a book called "Superparenting for ADD." Right there, it confirms my belief that any mere mortal would have a hard time parenting my two oldest kids. (#5 is also a terror, but she three and that's unrelated to this train of thought.) It is really a good book, informative and amusing. I have gained a few new insights from it, which is impressive because I read a lot on this topic.
I had a chance to read some more of it today while I was sitting in the driveway in the car while #6 napped in her carseat. (Yes, if that is what it takes, that is what I will do.) I had already read a fantastic part about the key role of parents and how the "cure" for ADD was love and support. It reminded me that my primary mission in life is to love those kids, not as I want them to be, but as they are. Sounds obvious, but it is so hard to completely accept a child when you just can't understand what keeps them from acting "appropriately." The underlying urge to improve them is very strong.
Today, I hit a great chapter. It discussed how ADD is always discussed as a negative, but as a parent (with all-accepting love and support) I have to take all that negative feedback and find the positive side. They called it being a mirror.
My son is easily distracted. Or is he exceptionally aware of his surroundings and any change in it?
My son is overly emotional. Or is he sensitive and passionate?
My son doesn't stay on topic. Or does he make connections to other things that "normal" people don't immediately see?
It really isn't just semantics, because the second set is much more accurate. Doctors and school administrators don't always have time to know each child, so the child is painted with the broad brushstrokes of the behaviors listed in the DSM. Bothof my sons will both focus (and thrive!) when drawn in by a skilled teacher (or their own interest) and challenged.
The title of the blog was drawn out from that chapter. With exams stressing me out more than they stress out my son, I have to keep looking for the pony. He will get grades that tell him he isn't good enough, but I need to convince him he is. To make it believable, I need to convince myself.
I resent how much work they assign and that most of it requires parental help. I also wish they would take their "reasonable" amount of homework, multiply it by 3 kids and divide by one parent. If I wanted to teach my kids myself, I'd go back to homeschooling and would use the tuition savings to take an awesome vacation with my husband. See, I want the TEACHER to teach them now. Thanks.
I wish I could just hate school and ignore it, like #1. But, because I am an overachiever and a mom, I know it important to have good grades no matter what asinine topics they are covering. How am I going to explain his transcript to another school? Between the subjects and his grades, oy vey.
It is exam week for #1 and he is taking 3 tests on Thursday. He is going into one of them with a 55. Yup. The other two sunjects are passing grades, but far from stellar. But he wants to go to his scout meeting Wed night because there is a campout this weekend. It was an "Are you JOKING???" moment. Sometimes I think Catholic school is wasted on him, or at least the academics are. But I think if I put him in public school, he'd make friends with the other kids who don't like school and probably never graduate.
I am reading a book called "Superparenting for ADD." Right there, it confirms my belief that any mere mortal would have a hard time parenting my two oldest kids. (#5 is also a terror, but she three and that's unrelated to this train of thought.) It is really a good book, informative and amusing. I have gained a few new insights from it, which is impressive because I read a lot on this topic.
I had a chance to read some more of it today while I was sitting in the driveway in the car while #6 napped in her carseat. (Yes, if that is what it takes, that is what I will do.) I had already read a fantastic part about the key role of parents and how the "cure" for ADD was love and support. It reminded me that my primary mission in life is to love those kids, not as I want them to be, but as they are. Sounds obvious, but it is so hard to completely accept a child when you just can't understand what keeps them from acting "appropriately." The underlying urge to improve them is very strong.
Today, I hit a great chapter. It discussed how ADD is always discussed as a negative, but as a parent (with all-accepting love and support) I have to take all that negative feedback and find the positive side. They called it being a mirror.
My son is easily distracted. Or is he exceptionally aware of his surroundings and any change in it?
My son is overly emotional. Or is he sensitive and passionate?
My son doesn't stay on topic. Or does he make connections to other things that "normal" people don't immediately see?
It really isn't just semantics, because the second set is much more accurate. Doctors and school administrators don't always have time to know each child, so the child is painted with the broad brushstrokes of the behaviors listed in the DSM. Bothof my sons will both focus (and thrive!) when drawn in by a skilled teacher (or their own interest) and challenged.
The title of the blog was drawn out from that chapter. With exams stressing me out more than they stress out my son, I have to keep looking for the pony. He will get grades that tell him he isn't good enough, but I need to convince him he is. To make it believable, I need to convince myself.
14 February 2011
You know when the men are gone
Shameless plug for my former neighbor from the Ft Hood area, Siobhan Fallon.
The title of her book is You Know When the Men Are Gone and she is on a book tour right now. I went to the reading here in VA, but tried not to listen too much because I hadn't read the book and didn't want to hear any spoilers. Weird, I know.
It is a good read- a collection of inter-related short stories about the soldiers and families of a unit at Ft Hood, their deployment and reintegration. While I enjoyed it, I found myself disturbed as well.
Naturally, messed up circumstances make for good stories (like Anna Karenina or Madame Bovary), but I worry that there really is too much adultery committed between the characters. YIKES!!!! One of the stories recounts the (never confirmed) affair between an NCO and a female soldier while in Iraq. Because IEDs aren't enough to worry about, now everyone can chew on that until our soldiers return.
I do wonder what type of impression it leaves on the civilians who will read it. Women whose only knowledge of the military comes from watching NCIS and Army Wives. Siobhan did a great job of capturing the emptiness felt during a deployment, but I wonder about the other stuff. Will it give the impression that we are all heart-broken, but easy? I, and I think this is true for most of us, had an enormously boring, but utterly fantastic, group of friends. We hung out with each other and our kids. It could be because a lot of the characters were somewhat (okay, A LOT) younger than me. Their marriages were younger and less tested through the ups and downs of many years. Some had no children. But I just can't comprehend some of the choices they made.
Personally, I don't worry. I think my marriage is strong (right, honey?) and he couldn't afford to divorce me anyway. ;)
For those not in the military, when a couple has been married for 10 years of the soldier's military service, the spouse is entitled to half of the soldier's retirement if they divorce. Not to mention child support, etc. And I have heard of spouses asking family court judges deny custody to soldiers just because they are still in the Army. Divorce is such an ugly thing. Usually only the lawyers come out on top.
Anyway, give it a read. I'd love to hear what you think. Did it ring true to you, or trend too dramatic?
The title of her book is You Know When the Men Are Gone and she is on a book tour right now. I went to the reading here in VA, but tried not to listen too much because I hadn't read the book and didn't want to hear any spoilers. Weird, I know.
It is a good read- a collection of inter-related short stories about the soldiers and families of a unit at Ft Hood, their deployment and reintegration. While I enjoyed it, I found myself disturbed as well.
Naturally, messed up circumstances make for good stories (like Anna Karenina or Madame Bovary), but I worry that there really is too much adultery committed between the characters. YIKES!!!! One of the stories recounts the (never confirmed) affair between an NCO and a female soldier while in Iraq. Because IEDs aren't enough to worry about, now everyone can chew on that until our soldiers return.
I do wonder what type of impression it leaves on the civilians who will read it. Women whose only knowledge of the military comes from watching NCIS and Army Wives. Siobhan did a great job of capturing the emptiness felt during a deployment, but I wonder about the other stuff. Will it give the impression that we are all heart-broken, but easy? I, and I think this is true for most of us, had an enormously boring, but utterly fantastic, group of friends. We hung out with each other and our kids. It could be because a lot of the characters were somewhat (okay, A LOT) younger than me. Their marriages were younger and less tested through the ups and downs of many years. Some had no children. But I just can't comprehend some of the choices they made.
Personally, I don't worry. I think my marriage is strong (right, honey?) and he couldn't afford to divorce me anyway. ;)
For those not in the military, when a couple has been married for 10 years of the soldier's military service, the spouse is entitled to half of the soldier's retirement if they divorce. Not to mention child support, etc. And I have heard of spouses asking family court judges deny custody to soldiers just because they are still in the Army. Divorce is such an ugly thing. Usually only the lawyers come out on top.
Anyway, give it a read. I'd love to hear what you think. Did it ring true to you, or trend too dramatic?
03 February 2011
As good as it gets?
I think it may be right here, in DC.
Sometimes, I think it's kind of like a black hole. Obviously, I mean black hole in the astro-physics sense. (Not "Black Hole of Calcutta" sense) So dense, with such a strong gravitational pull, that NOTHING can escape. The difference being that after a little bit, you don't want to escape. You've been sucked in. And you like it.
I came to northern Virginia because this is where my husband's family is. Every day the high stays below 40, I miss Texas a little bit more. The irony is that my husband and I are both rolling stones. We both left home fairly young, and planned on living in lots of other places. You know- join the Army, see the world. So where am I? 20 miles from the house he grew up in. Point being, I wasn't sitting in Central TX pining for NOVA.
But God has a sense of humor.
It is kind of strange to move to a place where one doesn't really need to make new friends, because friends from previous duty stations all moved here also. Not bad, just odd. And it is just what happens in DC- a part of normal career progression for a lot of people.
I am not a big fan of the non-stop traffic. Or the high cost of living. Or the rude people. But, 9 months later, I can see why people get sucked in. I understand why spouses get here and try to dig in their heels, battling the current of the Army, which is trying to drag them back to "real" posts.
Unlike other places I have lived, there are an overwhelming number of locations one can live in. Figuring out WHERE to look for a house was much harder than finding a house I liked. There are lots of schools here that are the best in the NATION, not "the best you can do in KISD". And they are public schools, so military families can actually send their kids (presuming you can find a house in that school zone).
Some people here work longer than others, but they come home at night. Spouses worry about accidents on the Beltway, not IEDs. If your soldier gets snagged for a deployment from the Pentagon, most of them are 6 months. There are people here with no combat patches. (Can my husband switch into that career field?)
I live 5 miles from a Trader Joe's. Nothing like a little "Two buck Chuck" to help the deployment along. If I want to drive 15 miles, I can have ANYTHING. It's all right here.
I feel the pull. I am slowly getting sucked in.
#1 is headed toward high school. Is there anywhere the Army could send us next year where the high school wouldn't be a huge let-down? What about the other kids and their schools? Not only are there great public elementary schools, but, from my preferred neighborhood, I could throw a rock and hit THREE Catholic schools, ranging from very good to Blue Ribbon.
It is kind of depressing to see what is possible, knowing that I won't get to keep it. We will leave, and I will go back to "the Real Army", where there are only 2 towns to live in, and only one school that I would even consider putting my kids in. It will probably have only 1 Catholic Church, without a school. I will find and patronize the commissary, the post gym and the CDC. I will join the wives club and the FRG. I will put on my big-girl pants and drive on. But I will carry with me a sense of lost opportunity.
It reminds me of window shopping when I was a kid in NYC. Wandering along the avenues, looking at all the amazing window displays, walking through the stores, taking it all in, knowing it wasn't going to be mine anytime soon.
Ahhh, MDW. You promise so much, but only for a short while.
Sometimes, I think it's kind of like a black hole. Obviously, I mean black hole in the astro-physics sense. (Not "Black Hole of Calcutta" sense) So dense, with such a strong gravitational pull, that NOTHING can escape. The difference being that after a little bit, you don't want to escape. You've been sucked in. And you like it.
I came to northern Virginia because this is where my husband's family is. Every day the high stays below 40, I miss Texas a little bit more. The irony is that my husband and I are both rolling stones. We both left home fairly young, and planned on living in lots of other places. You know- join the Army, see the world. So where am I? 20 miles from the house he grew up in. Point being, I wasn't sitting in Central TX pining for NOVA.
But God has a sense of humor.
It is kind of strange to move to a place where one doesn't really need to make new friends, because friends from previous duty stations all moved here also. Not bad, just odd. And it is just what happens in DC- a part of normal career progression for a lot of people.
I am not a big fan of the non-stop traffic. Or the high cost of living. Or the rude people. But, 9 months later, I can see why people get sucked in. I understand why spouses get here and try to dig in their heels, battling the current of the Army, which is trying to drag them back to "real" posts.
Unlike other places I have lived, there are an overwhelming number of locations one can live in. Figuring out WHERE to look for a house was much harder than finding a house I liked. There are lots of schools here that are the best in the NATION, not "the best you can do in KISD". And they are public schools, so military families can actually send their kids (presuming you can find a house in that school zone).
Some people here work longer than others, but they come home at night. Spouses worry about accidents on the Beltway, not IEDs. If your soldier gets snagged for a deployment from the Pentagon, most of them are 6 months. There are people here with no combat patches. (Can my husband switch into that career field?)
I live 5 miles from a Trader Joe's. Nothing like a little "Two buck Chuck" to help the deployment along. If I want to drive 15 miles, I can have ANYTHING. It's all right here.
I feel the pull. I am slowly getting sucked in.
#1 is headed toward high school. Is there anywhere the Army could send us next year where the high school wouldn't be a huge let-down? What about the other kids and their schools? Not only are there great public elementary schools, but, from my preferred neighborhood, I could throw a rock and hit THREE Catholic schools, ranging from very good to Blue Ribbon.
It is kind of depressing to see what is possible, knowing that I won't get to keep it. We will leave, and I will go back to "the Real Army", where there are only 2 towns to live in, and only one school that I would even consider putting my kids in. It will probably have only 1 Catholic Church, without a school. I will find and patronize the commissary, the post gym and the CDC. I will join the wives club and the FRG. I will put on my big-girl pants and drive on. But I will carry with me a sense of lost opportunity.
It reminds me of window shopping when I was a kid in NYC. Wandering along the avenues, looking at all the amazing window displays, walking through the stores, taking it all in, knowing it wasn't going to be mine anytime soon.
Ahhh, MDW. You promise so much, but only for a short while.
01 February 2011
The last fleeting moments
The last 24 hours of EML. Is there a way to stretch them out? To stop these last precious minutes and hours from slipping away? The last 14 days have been fabulous. Thanks to Old Man Winter, the kids didn't even miss much school. We went down to the aquarium. We swam at the Great Wolf Lodge. He got to watch #6 take her first steps. He built snow forts with the kids in the front yard.
But time is just about up.
Now I am trying to find a way to keep the feeling of his hug, the look in his eyes, all those things that I will miss most. I am savoring the lower stress level that results from his mere presence at home. How do I hold these things? I am the queen of storage and organization, but nothing that I or the Container Store can dream up will fit the bill. I'll have to rely on memory. I hope these last months pass quickly, so that I can feel all these things again, instead of simply longing for them.
So, today, I will spend the whole day right next to him- looking at him, hearing his voice, holding his hand. Tomorrow, I go back to waiting.
But time is just about up.
Now I am trying to find a way to keep the feeling of his hug, the look in his eyes, all those things that I will miss most. I am savoring the lower stress level that results from his mere presence at home. How do I hold these things? I am the queen of storage and organization, but nothing that I or the Container Store can dream up will fit the bill. I'll have to rely on memory. I hope these last months pass quickly, so that I can feel all these things again, instead of simply longing for them.
So, today, I will spend the whole day right next to him- looking at him, hearing his voice, holding his hand. Tomorrow, I go back to waiting.
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